https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfW29JGPC80
Before reading make sure you watch the video! You want to watch it. I make a fool out of myself by attempting to rap.
Senior year of undergrad I hit rock bottom. I had been in an on and off relationship since the end of my senior year of high school. Almost 4 years. It totally consumed my life. I put my relationship with him before anything and everything else. Before my family, before my friends, and before my own plans and goals. For as long as I can remember I had my sights set on Purdue University. I was very adamant about going there. The only reason I even applied to other schools was to end the nagging from my parents about how I needed options. (Sorry guys, but it’s true 🙂 ) Freshman year found me unpacking my things in McCutcheon dorm at none other than that Big 10 university. My dream had come true. I was officially a Boilermaker and could proudly wear that black and gold as I walked across campus to class. The only problem was that it wasn’t my dream anymore. My boyfriend was a sophomore at a different school on the other side of the state. Over 2 hours away. 2 hours?! That just wasn’t going to work for me. So long story short, I transferred after one year at Purdue. I regret not giving Purdue a real chance because I think I would have really loved it there, but it’s hard to regret transferring. Some amazing opportunities and friendships came from transferring to Ball State.
Sophomore year at my new school started and my relationship took a turn for the worst. We began fighting constantly. Awful fights that would leave me in tears for hours. Several days a week. It was never ending. But we were in love so of course things would get better. They just had to…right?
Wrong. They only got worse. I lost some of my best friends because of how I acted while in that relationship (I’m very happy to say that we made up and are close friends again), I treated my family terribly, and I had zero self worth. After breaking up what seemed like every other weekend, we officially called it quits after my first semester of my senior year of undergrad. I was devastated. Regardless of how we rarely seemed to get along, I still wanted to be with him. I wanted it to work out. I needed it to work out. It had to work out. We were supposed to be together forever…right?
Wrong again. It just wasn’t meant to be. And that’s okay. Looking back, I am very thankful that he finally ended it. I am also thankful for going through those 4 years. I wouldn’t change a single thing because it showed me how strong I can be and it really did make me into the person that I am today.
At the time of the final breakup, I felt like I was trapped. We are from the same hometown, went to the same college, he had a job in that college town, and we had the same mutual friends. I couldn’t find a place to go to heal. That’s when I made the decision to move away. To start fresh and allow myself time and space to heal those deep wounds.
I spent Christmas break applying to five different schools in five different states. After sending out the applications, I forced myself not to get my heart set on any one school. I wanted to wait until I heard back from each school, weigh the pros and cons, and think it through very, very carefully before I made a decision. I wasn’t going to rush into anything until I knew for a fact that the decision I made was the one that was right for me. I decided that whatever school offered me a graduate assistant position was the school that I was supposed to go to. University of South Florida was the first school that I heard back from and the only school that offered me a GA position. After getting that letter, I could finally admit to myself that I was secretly hoping it would be USF. So August of 2012 I drove 16 hours to Tampa to start the next chapter of my life. Little did I know that God was already hard at work. He knew exactly what he was doing when he called me to the sunshine state.
I can’t imagine where I would be if I had ignored God’s calling to live the salt life for a couple years. I got out of that awful time in my life that I was in previous to moving. I mended friendships and relationships with my family. I realized how strong I really am. I healed my broken heart. Actually, I should say that God did all that. I could never have healed those wounds on my own. They were way too deep. (Side note- We talk from time to time now. We can have conversations without a single fight or harsh word. We can actually joke around without someone being offended. It is refreshing to be to that point because I never in a million years dreamed that we could be friends after everything we went through.)
God works in very mysterious ways sometimes! Two and a half years ago I thought my world had ended. I thought I would never have a genuine smile or laugh without it being forced and fake. I thought I would never be truly happy. I have never been so thankful to be so completely wrong. My smile is real, my laugh is real, my joy is real. God’s plan is always greater. I believe that he placed me at USF so I could find out about the Race. God set this whole thing up when my heart was shattered and my world was falling apart. Now my heart is so full and my life is just beginning.
God used graduate school to heal me. He used 62 credit hours. He used countless hours of homework. He used even more hours of writing reports. He used 6 long semesters. He used 2 years. He used 1 master’s degree. I now have finished my schooling to become a Speech Language Pathologist. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t always fun (honestly the school part was never fun, the hanging out with friends part was a blast). But I can finally say I did it. God used graduate school to heal me. God used graduate school to help me find my calling for the next season of my life.
I am a missionary with a master’s degree.
I am a missionary that was once broken because of love.
I am a missionary now healed because of another love.
I am a World Race missionary.
Go Bulls!!
