Today was our last day of ministry here in Thailand. Month 9 is over. On Saturday we will be moving onto month 10 in Cambodia. MONTH 10!! Not sure how that is possible.
Thailand was a rough, hard month for me. It was a month that required a lot of perseverance (month 9 word). We did manual labor almost every single day this month. From digging holes to plant bushes, weeding a million weeds from flower beds and gravel, trimming more trees than I can count, picking up palm branches and trying to avoid the poisonous barbs on them, to pouring cement for a new garage they are building. It was exhausting.
It was also hard for other reasons. Before this month, we had our second team changes. My team stayed the same for the most part. Except for one gigantic change. Two people from our team we were taken off and replaced by two new people. One of the people that was switched from my team just happened to be one of my best friends. To say we were upset was an understatement. This team change was a lot harder for me than the first one. This time around I didn’t have a girl that I was already close to. In fact, the girls that are on my team are a lot different than I am. A new team combined with all the manual labor we were doing was enough to completely exhaust me at the end of every day. But still I persevered through.
Another factor added into the already tough month was thoughts about what my life would be like after the Race. With month 9 coming to a close and having a set date for when I will be back on US soil makes the end of the Race that much more real. Which is enough to give anyone a little anxiety about facing the real world.
I have spent a lot of time praying about what I will do when I get home. On paper, a speech pathology job is what makes the most sense. I will be able to live at home with a good paying job in order to pay off my student loans from grad school and also save some money to eventually go back to school like I have been dreaming about for several months now. But paper is not what matters. I have been praying for God to show me what his plans are for me and what path I am supposed to walk down. I have been praying that he would place someone in my life that could talk me through some things and give me some good advice that might help guide me. And he pulled through.
This past week another team from the US has been here at Remember Nhu helping out as a short term mission team. They are a group of college students led by one of the college staff members. Ironically enough, the staff member that is with them is a former World Racer. Not only that, but she was a member of the very first squad to ever launch. First Generation A Squad. It has been such a blessing to be able to talk to her about her race and how she adapted to being back in the states when she was finished.
The other day we were all working together on a project. She was standing next to me and I heard her say to someone else, “Don’t do a job that makes you feel dead inside.” Without really thinking I said, “Woah, I really like that.” That sparked a conversation that ended up being an answered prayer.
I told her all about how I am “supposed” to get a speech path job back home and how I’m feeling a lot of pressure to do so. She asked what I am really passionate about. I didn’t hesitate creating my absolute dream job based on my huge passion for wildlife. We talked for quite awhile about everything. She said that it’s ok to not have a plan in line for the immediate days and weeks following the Race. As much as I hate this word….all racers need a time to “process” (ew) through their transition back home. This is not a vacation that I am on. This is an incredibly hard and challenging journey. Yes, my instagram and facebook posts make it seem like I’m living an epic adventure. While that is true some of the time (like maybe once or twice a month) the reality is that everyday has its own challenges and struggles. It will be hard to go back to the states. It might sound weird but it will be culture shock. We have spent a year traveling to some very impoverished places. We have seen some heartbreaking things. We have lived in tents, in heat with no air conditioning, with bugs that are immune to bug spray, and on beds that might as well have been made out of wood. To go back to the luxury of home and the fast paced lives of people in a first world country is going to be hard. Every one of us will need a time to adjust to “normal” life again.
This time will be spent strategically. The weeks after I am home will not be spent laying in bed watching Netflix all day (but admittedly that will probably happen at least once…on like a Saturday…). It will be spent making visits to my family in different states across the country thanking them for all the support they gave me to make this year a reality for me and not just some far off dream. It will be spent with my parents who have sacrificed so much for me, who don’t think twice about putting aside their dreams just to help me achieve mine. It will be spent with friends who consistently text me throughout my trip asking how things are going, how I’m doing, what’s new with me, and the occasional “come home I miss you” text. It will be spent eating cheeseburgers, pizza, Mexican food, pulled pork barbecue sandwiches, a normal sandwich with something other than white bread…this list could go on for days. But it will also be spent finding out what the Lord has for me next. From now until His plans are put into place, I will be listening to what he has for me and where he is guiding me. I know what my long term plans are. He is making it clear what my purpose is for my life. I just need to figure out a short term plan for how I can make a little money to pay bills before I can start on that long term plan. The transition back home will not be spent by being apathetic about my future. I will be working hard to make my dreams come true.
She then told me to “embrace the question mark.” God may be preparing me for something great. It’s ok to not know what that is. It’s ok to embrace the unknown, the question mark of what is next. Just because the speech path job “makes sense” doesn’t mean that it’s from God. Who knows, maybe he is calling me to do speech for awhile. I’m not sure. I’m waiting around to hear what he has to say. His voice is the only one that I need to be listening to.
After having this conversation I now feel ok about the unknown. I feel ok about not having a set plan in place for the day after I get back to Indiana. I know that I need to work on finding a job and of course I will. Those student loans aren’t going to pay themselves, but that question mark is not a bad place to be standing on at this point. She told me that when I talked about my dream job she could tell that it is a true passion because my eyes lit up just talking about it. God gives us our passions for a reason. No matter what they are we will be able to use them to glorify him. I refuse to not chase my passion now that I know what it is. I will get there one day. For now, I’m embracing the question mark of how I will get there and what I will do in the mean time. He answered my prayer of placing someone in my life to help guide me and talk things through with me. I know that he will answer my prayers of providing a job and guiding me to it. My listening ears are on.
