Is it like a fairy tale? Is it my prince charming that I have been waiting for my whole life?
Holding out his hand while the ground beneath me is crumbling with waters rushing beneath and him reaching out his hands towards me looking at me, no, piercing me with his beautiful eyes… looking at me, truly looking at me… seeing me as no one has ever seen me before, yet still lovingly gazing, loving what he sees, being completely enthralled, reaching out his hand asking… "Do you trust me?"
It's a continual process, a continual dance, a continual commitment to trust, to believe.
What does it look like to dream with God? What happens if I give him my dreams, the desires of my heart, and they don't come true…?
I'm sure it wasn't Atiana's dream to be sold into child prostitution at age 6, or Malcolm's dream to have his family ripped apart by genocide, or Yen to be thrown in prison tortured and persecuted for his faith, or Dornel's dream to make his kids beg on the streets for anything they can get…
So maybe what my dreams are need to shift. Maybe my hearts desires, to be a wife, a mom, a beloved daughter, to have endless legend fishing stories, travel to New Zealand, etc. need to change to a more kingdom mindset. That no matter what happens, whether earthly dreams come true or not, I will serve the lord with all my heart no matter the circumstance, no matter the cost. I will trust him, love him, and believe in him on a whole new level of faith, dependence, and love. That I will be enthralled when I look at him, that I will be comforted, confident, and secure in his love for me.
What would that look like, what would I look like, if I was able to see myself the way God sees me. If I was able to stand boldly, confidently, humbly, and gracefully all at the same time. My desire is to be pursued, to be beautiful, to serve and follow God with all my heart, to hold nothing back, for there to be more of him and less of me. My desire is to shine his light, to radiate his goodness, to rejoice continually, to love as he loves. What would that look like? What would I look like?
God I want to give you those dreams, I want to take your hand, I want to trust you… Even though I'm scared I know there's no better place to be than taking this leap of faith with you.
Trusting you'll catch me…
Trusting you'll make something beautiful out of me…
Trusting YOU…
Love you with my whole heart Pat. Thank you for always loving me, believing in me, and supporting me. Can't wait to one day be dancing and singing with you in heaven! Miss you so…
