I’m a big thinker. I watch and listen and think…then I talk…maybe…if I feel like it adds to the conversation. One of the reasons I know I do this is because the thoughts in my head probably don’t need to leave my mouth most of the time. Also, being a trained counselor, I know the importance in listening first…then responding. This personality trait of mine is also probably why it is so easy for me to disengage from the news, social media, and blogging for long periods of time. I don’t do it to “hermit” or to be aloof…it is just difficult for me these days to get online and read what is going on in the world without feeling disgusted or heartbroken at this lost world. I’m not ignoring the real world, I see it as choosing to control the flood of negative information down to a need-to-know trickle.
As nice and cozy it is in my little world, this recent cold snap has reminded me that I cannot always just keep myself comfortable. I despise the cold…it physically makes me uncomfortable and angry. Being back home and in my comfort zone for the past few weeks, God has still brought me challenges and pushes me to continue growing. “You’re getting to lax…you’re getting too comfortable” is what I hear Him whispering. Right on the heels of this upcoming launch for 11 months of uncomfortable-ness…God’s timing. Always. Perfect.
So many thoughts going into this time of preparation for launch. I’ve felt scattered, anxious, and not prepared… It’s been a time of extreme quietness for me. Not a lot of talking…just listening and thinking…and thinking…and thinking. I feel like my brain is being pulled in a million different directions and I cannot focus on one thing at a time. I know the enemy is trying to distract and discourage me…he works through my anxious thoughts. God reminds me in the most subtle ways…”We have been here before…you know how to handle this…remember?” I’ve had to lean on God to provide me with direction moment by moment, and just being present in each moment. I cannot do this on my own, so I ask God to show me the way. I’m not even entirely sure that this post will make the full circle of thought I started out with, but I am following The Leader instead of trying to do it on my own. Update: I’ll be flying out on January 5 to NYC, and January 6 we will fly to Uganda. I’m at about 65% funded, and about $5700 away from being fully funded. I’m amazed and thankful at how God has provided love, funds, and support for this and I am confident that this is where He is calling. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your thoughts and prayers…so thank you. A million thank yous. Love y’all.
