Training camp… what a crazy, ridiculous mess. I showed up on Sunday absurdly terrified after spending the whole drive from Nashville trying to talk myself out of being terrified. I'm sure you can figure out how well that worked.
Have you ever headed somewhere feeling completely emotionally, mentally and spiritually unprepared, knowing that what you were about to do was going to be, at the best, hard, and at the worst, unbearably gruelling? That is how I felt. What a horrible time to feel lost, adrift and mentally exhausted… right?
So we start out Sunday night pitching our tents. I quickly found out that my tent was actually designed for warm weather only when my trainer noticed a little warning lable on the inside, "In certain weather dew may accumulate on inside lining." I mean… really? Sure enough, woke up Monday morning to drops of water running down the sides of my tent, soaking everything touching the sides. Thankfully everything in my pack was safe and my shoes were only a little damp. In addition to that, the store had given me the wrong size sleeping bag, and I spent the night half covered and freezing… it was shaping up to be a great week. One of the worst, best weeks of my life.
Monday was a bit better, we had amazing worship, encouraging and inspiring teaching sessions, and Latin American food day. Strangly, I still had not connected with anyone really, which is new and different for me in a group of people I knew I was going to spend a year with, but I knew there was plenty of time for that.
Tuesday and Wednesday were by far the hardest days for me. Tuesday was Asia food day, so we started out the morning with Anchovie soup…. yum. I managed to eat one. You'll have to ask Sarah from D Squad how that went for me, lol. However
, that is not why Tuesday was hard. We had a session that morning in which the Holy Spirit showed up in a huge way, but not to me. I spent the entire day asking the Lord why He was silent. Was there something I was missing, something He wanted to do in me that I was not open to? After crying to the Lord, He spoke to my spirit… "Christiana, if I don't show up in this way does that change who I am? I am who I am." Wow. Just because God does not gift me in the same way as others, or does not heal when I ask Him to, or provide in the way I expect, does that mean He is not the healer or provider? Absolutely not. That changed how I saw Him. It was no longer, is God going to be the healer, is He going to be faithful? It is, SINCE God is the healer, SINCE God is faithful. That is who He is, whether He demonstrates it when we ask or not. I have "known" that for a long time, but never before has it been a truth that shook my soul.
Wendesday, let's just call it Christiana hits her limit and gets murderous day. Okay, so that might be a little extreme, but (believe it or not), I am an introvert. I can only take so much go, go, go and mental engagement before I have to have down time. We had not had more than 15 minutes at any given time up until this point, and I was getting more and more drained. The day started out great, we ended up having a wonderful campout with our entire squad (that we had to hike to over two huge hills, and canoe over a lake, carrying our packs and all the food). I got to help cook dinner, which was put together by my awesome te
ammate and chef Lydia (I know, how lucky is my team!). Then the campfire started. Sadly, at that point I was about done. I essentially had a break down, and started crying from exhaustion in the middle of a squadmate sharing a testimony. I wanted to hear what they were sharing, but I just couldn't even think anymore. I learned a valuable lesson that night, to know my own limits, and that in community it is incredibly important to let others know when you have hit them and need to go take care of yourself. We also ended up sleeping on a sideways slope on a tarp, but that's another story 🙂
Thursday/Friday = heaven. No, seriously, those are the days they set about picking our teams. Can I just tell you how much I utterly love team building? I don't think there is much more I love than being in a small group, figuring out those around me, how they think, how they function, how we work together. I envied the trainers getting to pick the teams, for goodness sakes. I love it, and it gave me the small group/down time I needed to rejuvenate. Thank the Lord for that, and for the amazing teams He put together (of which team Ruah Elohim is the best of course ;)).
Saturday… it's not about us. Imagine that your town has been hit by invading terrorists. There are gunshots everywhere, people yelling for their families, smoke so thick that you can't see your hand in front of your face and can barely breathe. You are utterly alone. The first thing you have to do is find your family, nothing matters if you cannot get to them and make sure they are safe. All you have is your voice and your sense of feel, so you begin to call out their names in panic, knowing that where you are could be hit again at any moment. Frantically searching, you run into people and buildings everywhere you turn, but you can't find anyone and the hopelessness grows, panic sets in. This is a simulation we went through, blindfolded, to place ourselves in the shoes of some of the refugees we will be sharing the love of Jesus with. Many have gone through this exact thing, losing many of their family members due to attacks, tight borders, and human traffickers prey
ing on the desperate and alone. It is not about us.
That was training camp. Showed up overwhelmed, afraid and exhausted; left with a new family, a new sense of purpose, overwhelmed by how amazing our God is, and hit with a renewed burden and passion for those He is sending us to. If He did all that in one week, can you imagine what He is going to do in 11 months?
God is calling us to go… what is He calling you to do?
