Five days ago me and 130 other people from around the country boarded a plane for Ft. Lauderdale. Our purpose? To spend a couple of days in final preparation for the biggest adventure we have ever embarked upon, reaching the nations with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Most of you know this, but I had forgotten. I had forgotten why we were doing what we were doing. I hopped on that plane having no idea how complacent I had become. How in the world did that happen? God had to sustain me through three months of support raising, none of it coming in through my power, yet I still had grown apathetic and comfortable where I was. I had become dependent on the support of my amazing family and church instead of the Lord. I need that support, so much, but when you start resting on the affirmation/encouragement of men instead of God, it cannot sustain you and things eventually start falling apart.
Up until I actually landed in Florida and arrived at the church we stayed in for launch, I was fine. It wasn’t until I looked around at everyone that I realized I felt completely alone. I missed my family so much that I seriously started asking myself, do I really want to be here? Here’s the thing, of course I want to be here, more than anything, but in that moment I couldn’t see past the loss of what I was giving up or remember what I was gaining. Thankfully, I had only one bad night and then the morning dawned bright and full of God’s mercies and promises.
The next day was one of the best days I have had with God since this crazy journey started three months ago. That night we had an amazing worship session. One of the leaders prayed that we would all have an amazing encounter with God personally, and that we would all desire that daily. I heard that and honestly told the Lord, “I want to encounter You in a huge way tonight, but I don’t believe it is going to happen. I am afraid that since I am not ministering to anyone in this moment that You will pass me by.” This is something I have struggled with for many years off and on. Sometimes I walk with God fully confident in who I am in Him, and other times I feel like the least of His children, a voice unworthy of being heard amongst my own peers.
A few minutes later, a picture popped in my head. This picture was not a scene, but it wasn’t still either, and I knew instinctively what the Lord was telling me. I saw Aragorn sitting, when he was still known as Strider (Of course it was from the Lord of the Rings, lol). For those of you who have never seen the Lord of the Rings (and we will have to remedy that later), Aragorn is the heir to a throne. He is a king who doesn’t feel worthy of it and has run from who he is for years, refusing to step into his birthright. When he finally does become the man he was born to be, the world changes.
The next thing I saw was a royal court, with a woman kneeling in the middle in front of the king. She was radiant and clothed in royal arraignment from head to toe, except for one thing. The king, holding a crown in his hands, turned to all the people and declared that she was his beloved daughter and heir to his throne. Leaning down, he placed the crown on her head and reached his hand out, bidding her to rise to her birthright.
Can you f
athom that? God was calling ME His beloved daughter to the world, royalty, just too afraid to take my place. Those of you who are reading this and your heart is tightening in your chest with longing, is this you too? Are you like me, afraid to look up into that face and take His hand… afraid of what it might mean, choosing instead to just get by and let your God-given voice stay silent?
I am here to tell you, you may feel unworthy, you may even feel abandoned or alone, but you ARE a daughter of the king, you ARE a son of the king. God is asking you to step up and take your place, to be the royalty you are and bear His name to the world. You have a voice, NEVER let the fear of inadequacy, of offending others, or of the unknown stop you from speaking when God tells you to. And if you are not sure what God’s voice sounds like, tell Him. Tell Him if you don’t know that you’ve ever heard Him, and aren’t sure you even believe He wants to speak to you. You can never be too honest with God. Brokenness and honesty can break through the mightiest barriers in your heart. Your Father loves you, never let anything or anyone convince you otherwise, especially yourself. Take His hand and rise into your birthright.
