Seeing how this will be my last blog on the race, I wanted to attempt to summarize or describe what this year has been for me. And that’s pretty overwhelming to think about. I could go so many different directions – I could explain the ministries or the people I’ve met, or the beautiful places I’ve seen or the funny memories or the ways I’ve change. And I truly do want to share all of those things with you at some point. But in sitting here thinking, I know that there is only One worth thinking about, talking about, rejoicing in – and that One is my King. And His name is Jesus. So this is to Him….
To my Dad, my comforter, my adventure-buddy, my best friend,
Thank you. I will spend the rest of my life telling You how beautiful You are and how thankful I am to be Your daughter. You are my all in all. You have shown up in more ways than I could ever hope to imagine. You have made me come more alive than ever before. You have poured Your grace in abundant amounts. You are my God. You are my heart and my soul. I thank You for Your love that doesn’t stop and doesn’t give up and doesn’t run out….the love that pushes me higher and pulls me closer and has cleansed me again and again. Thank You for asking me to die to every part of myself…because each time I lose something of me, I gain something of You. I come alive. I breathe new air. I have tasted and seen that You are good. That You are the very definition of good. You may not be safe…but you are definitely good.
You have astonished me with the vastness of who You are. I never knew You were this big. I now understand why heaven is going to be eternal…..that’s how long it’s going to take to know every part of You. You are everywhere, in everything. And I am sorry for my blindness so much of the time. But my eyes are open and I see you all.the.time. In people, in mountains, in ice cream, in laughing children. That is You. That is all You. Thank You for asking me to come adventure with You. To experience all that is “life.” To feel You move and see You impact and listen to You speak. Thank You for opening my ears to hear Your voice. Thank You for speaking tenderly and powerfully and personally. You have pursued me in a way that I cannot deny, and I want everyone to know how mind-blowing You are. I want everyone to see You the way You deserve to be seen. You are worthy of my future plans, my every day, my every thought and decision, my money, my time that I think I deserve to “myself.” There is no “me”….there is only “us.”
You have called me “beloved.” You have told me that I am found in You. I am not beloved because I have earned any part of Your heart. You just gave me Your heart. I don’t know why. And I will never understand why You care about me at all or why you took my place on that cross. But You did. And I never want to forget. I want to live for the sake of Your good news…You freed me from myself. You enslaved me to freedom. You are granting all my wildest hopes and dreams.
Last night You told me “I am more.” And I thought You were saying that You have more for me when I go home. No. You are what You have for me when I go home. When I wake up tomorrow, You are more. When I get married, You are more. When I die, You are more. You are more to explore; You are more understanding than anyone else; You are more important; You are more. What a beautiful promise…that I will never get bored with You. You’re too big for that. You’re too mysterious for me to ever figure out.
Thank You for the people You have blessed me with this year and the people You are blessing me with when I go home. Thank You for showing up when I ask You to…for healing, for opening hearts, for breaking hearts, for surprises.
Thank You for You. To my Jesus, I thank You for pushing me to walk beside You boldly. To my Father, I thank You for laughing with me and showing me Your joy. To my Holy Spirit, I thank You for opening my heart to know You more intimately than I thought possible.
I love You. Amen.
America, see you in FOUR DAYZ.
