wrote this a few days ago, but am just now getting it to the world wide web…
it’s here. it’s happening. i’m sitting on a couch in our little home in los naranjos, honduras surrounded by mountains and fruit trees, listening to birds awaken the morning and thinking about 48 hours ago. 48 hours ago i was sitting on the floor in the atlanta airport with my 2 co-leaders, eating chickfila and crying. crying because it was here and it was happening, and i didn’t quite feel ready, feel like i had said all my goodbyes or like i had a clue what i was doing.
and i’m realizing that even if you feel called you might not always feel ready. i remembered something the Lord said to me a few weeks ago during worship one night: “sometimes you have to extend before you can experience.” and i thought about all these times in the old testament when the Lord would call people to do something, and they had no way of knowing if He was going to follow through or not…you have to climb this mountain before you can meet with me, you have to step into the river before i am going to stop it, you have to march around the walls before i knock them down, you have to walk into the fire before i rescue you. i think He still operates that way…do you trust me? do you believe i am faithful to you? i need you to extend before you can experience me. even if you don’t feel ready. i need you to get on the plane even when you don’t know what’s going to happen, i need you to speak to that person even when you don’t know how they’re going to respond, i need you to raise your hands in worship or lay down on your face even when you feel weird, i need you to follow that dream even if there is potential for failure, i need you to extend before you can experience.
in the days leading up to our launch, we had a time of training for the squad leaders, and i learned a whole lot about myself. about the way i operate and my personality and how i feel most connected to the Father, my strengths, my weaknesses, my gifts and failures. and something i know about me is that i am a visionary, a dreamer, a big picture person. the practical logistics of life are not where i thrive. i can see the end, but i don’t know how to get there. and i read this yesterday: “therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (colossians 3..great chapter). when i read that, i think, yea, i can do this. big picture. end goal. seek heaven. but i think He is reshaping my view of what it looks like to seek the things above. He’s making this more day to day for me. because when i get so upward thinking, so lofty, so dreamy, it makes it hard to live tangibly. i can sit with Him and be so connected and looking heavenward, but then i feel as if i have to go “live life” and almost put Him on hold, so i can accomplish some things and send some emails. and the Lord is like I’m not either or, I’m both and. i’m there and i’m right now. when He says He is “over all and through all and in all,” He meant it. when He said He wants His kingdom to come “on earth as it is in heaven,” i am pretty sure He meant it. and i am pretty sure He means it in the day to day, in the simple, in the practical, in the seemingly boring. i am learning how to live like this, step by step.
i want to be someone who lives every day on purpose. who chooses to seek things above in conversations with friends over lunch, or while crammed on a bus, or while sending emails. i want to extend in the moment by moment, so i can experience Him in the day to day.
i’m not really sure who reads my blogs, and i kind of feel weird addressing you because i feel like this is more of my stream of random thoughts to myself, but for whoever is reading this, i just want to remind you that the Lord has more for you. He has more of Himself for you that you have never experienced, and He is calling you deeper into Himself. He is always calling…we’re just not always answering, not always willing to extend. i don’t know what it looks like for you to extend towards Him or walk in obedience or listen for His voice, but i beg you to. to be courageous and willing to look foolish for the sake of experiencing the Father. it’s worth it. that’s what i keep reminding myself.
He. is. always. worth. it.
