about a year and a half ago i was on a bus somewhere in africa in the middle of my race, and i remember sitting there with headphones in and eyes closed, half praying and half asleep. and the Lord gave me a day dream. and i see a man in a white coat bent over with his back to me, busy doing something i can’t see. but then he stands up and turns to me, and what i saw was fairly hysterical. he was wearing some sort of hat covered with blueberries… so. many. blueberries.. and i was immediately thrown back to the wig i wore for my dr. seuss “thing 1” costume for halloween in 9th grade (all our friends were cute pirates or bunnies or something…grace ann and i just looked ridiculous in our onesies). so this man is wearing a blueberry wig, and his hand is extended to me, and can you guess what’s in it? yes. blueberries. and i take one, and i eat it, and it is perfect. these are not the gross, mushy kind of blueberries, but the plump, ripe delicious kind. every one of them like that. and i look up and see him motioning at something…he is directing a delivery truck that is backing up towards us. the truck stops, and this man in the white coat lifts up the back and thousands and thousands of beautiful blueberries come spilling out. they’re everywhere. and he looks at me as if to say, “these are yours. i had these delivered for you.” and i stand there in this sea of berries, amazed because i wasn’t expecting this, and i didn’t know why he had these delivered for me. and he taps me on the shoulder and i look up, and he is pointing with a smile on his face. i follow his gaze, and lined up behind this mound of blue are delivery trucks as far as i can see. and he just looks at me so excited to reveal that there are more blueberries than i will ever know what to do with, and i will never run out, and they will never go bad. it was a bit overwhelming in the sweetest way, and this man in the white coat with the blueberry hat, this blueberry factory owner, was just excited to share what he had with me.
so i’m sitting there on the bus feeling a bit like i just wandered into a willy wonka film, and i hear the Lord tell me, “that man in the white coat with the blueberry hat…that’s me. and those blueberries, that perfect unending supply of delight…those are my promises to you. i will never stop giving you good things, and you will never run out of my heart to explore. i am a dad who gets excited to give good things to his kids.” and i sat there stunned. and flooded with love.
i am remembering this story because of a conversation i had last night with my mom. we sat in my room, talking about our dreams and what we want to do with the rest of our lives, ya know, casual “goodnight” kind of conversation. and we get around to talking about this next season, these next 5 months i’ll be gone. and she tells me how excited she is that i am getting to go to uganda. and i just start crying because i am remembering my 8th grade self and my burning desire to go to this country i didn’t know anything about. and over the next years, i tried to find a way to get there (aka begging my dad to plan a mission trip for our youth group to uganda instead of mexico), and i never got there. and i think i just assumed that the Lord used my desire for uganda to awaken a desire for missions in me. and that was ok. the older i got, the less i really thought about it. but when i found out my route for squad leading and saw “uganda” on the list, i had to just stop and say “thank you.” and thinking about it last night, i could just see that white coated arm extended to me, saying “here’s another blueberry.”
for a long time, that wasn’t how i viewed my Father. i thought He was someone always asking for sacrifice…i’m not really sure why i thought that, but the more i know Him, the more i see Him wearing a blueberry hat. He says that He doesn’t withhold good things from those who walk uprightly (psalm 84.11). does this mean that everything i want i get? no. does this mean that He never asks me to give up or sacrifice things? no. but i don’t think He is asking for sacrifice for the sake of sacrifice. i think He is saying, “hey, will give me what your holding on to, because with all that stuff in your hands, you can’t hold the blueberries.”
we have been given permission to pray big, to ask big, to dream big. because i believe my God is in the business of making our wildest dreams come true. even our forgotten dreams. He wants to be delighted in. i think that’s what it means to walk uprightly…i have never walked taller or with more authentic integrity than when i am delighting in my God. and when i delight and walk upright, my desires are fulfilled. and i can taste and see that He is good. and He tastes a lot like blueberries.
so ask. ask big. and dream big. and then listen. and look where’s He’s pointing.
