The past two weeks have been amazing amazing amazing. If you read my last blog, you know where I was emotionally/spiritually, coming into this country. That post was all about Jesus telling me that I just needed to communicate. It really was remarkable to see how much changed in my heart just as I became open with people and got to really communicate with some of the people I love. I felt like there was just a weight being lifted off as I was able to admit that life wasn’t had been slightly less than butterflies and rainbows lately.
This month has definitely looked very different from other months so far. Heck, I have been living in a hotel with A/C in the middle of HCMC all month so far compared to two months ago when I lived in a tent in the middle of an orchard that was miles from the closest anything.
Ministry has looked different this month too. I will spare you the spiel about what exactly ministry looks like this month for our various teams because frankly, many of them have already articulated what ministry is looking like this month for their different teams on their own blogs…which are well worth reading if you’re longing to hear some stories of what Jesus is doing in this country. A country that thinks that just because it is “politically closed” to Jesus, that Jesus’ jealousy for these people’s hearts won’t still get through. My homeboy Jesus is doin’ WORK here.
Ministry for me has really just been very relational this month and very natural. I have gotten to just sit and talk with many of the people on our squad and get to share back and forth what is going on with us and in our hearts. And then I have gotten to make some friends here in HCMC that I can grow in relationship with…whether that means finding a random motorcycle taxi driver and taking him out to lunch, building a relationship with the guy who likes to sit outside my hotel each day, loving on the street kids that are forced to sell things on the street into the late hours of the night, or getting to make legitimate friends with other people who are here traveling or teaching. Honestly, ministry hasn’t even felt that much like “ministry” lately. It has just felt like I am getting to live my life trying to be as much like Jesus as possible. Jesus loved making friends. He loved children. He loved to provide food for people. He loved to encourage and exhort His friends.
So I feel really blessed by this month. It has been a month where I have felt the freedom to rest as well. I have gotten to spend so much time with just my Jesus and it has been sooo good. That’s what I really wanted to share about here. I want to share with you some of the stuff that I have been learning lately…
NOTE: Everything above this line was written like a week ago. I have had the flu or strep or something like that for the last bit and haven’t felt like thinking enough to finish out this post. Finally feeling a bit better though and I’m ready to get my type on!
This month is now drawing to a close. It’s only about 4 days until I will be getting onto a plane for my second to last trans-continental flight of the trip…the last one being less than 5 weeks from now when I get to get on a flight headed for home.
I have had such an amazing month with Jesus this month. He has definitely had to do a bit of work in me to help me see that it is OK that I haven’t “done” a lot this month. I was struggling for a bit with feeling like I wasn’t really getting to do any “work” this month but Jesus just put me at rest; letting me know that His plan for me this month was for me to spend some time with Him. We had some stuff to work through.
Like I said earlier and in my last post, the Lord spoke to me a lot about communication at the beginning of the month and I got to learn a lot about how important it is to be someone who authentically communicates with the people around me and the people I love. I got to experience the release of weight that comes when you just get to share and be open with people. It was glorious.
A few days after I was feeling really good about life and feeling like I had gotten to communicate with most of the people that I hadn’t been communicating with well, Jesus started asking me some questions that I didn’t really see coming. He started asking me why exactly I feel a release and a freedom when I communicate with my friends and family but don’t feel that when I speak to Him. He was wanting to know whether His and my FRIENDSHIP was as legitimate as the friendships that I have with my boys, my family, my woman, etc.
That question took me down a road of realizing that there is a romantic aspect of Jesus’ and my relationship that is thriving. He KNOWS that I love Him and I KNOW that He loves me! We talk about that all the time. He knows how awesome I think He is. I love to worship Him and He loves to tell me how amazing I am to Him.
I realized though that there is a lot of parts of me that I have expected Him to just be the voyeur in. When I get to a place of realizing that there is sin in my life, the big turning point for me isn’t when I admit it to Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness…I sometimes don’t even really do that. Instead, it has always been the time that I get open about it with my friends and let them into what I have been struggling with. And I think I have just expected that, since Jesus is there with me and listening, that that will have us covered as far as His and my communication goes about the subject.
I think that there was still a lack of faith in some areas of me about how legitimate of a friend Jesus can be to me. I didn’t really believe that I could get out of a conversation with Him, the same things that I can get out of a conversation with someone close to me. The reality is that He is a FAR better friend than anyone else I could ever be friends with. He has been expressing to me this month that He is kind of over this thing I do where I just let Him be present to watch my relationships with all my other friends. He wants to be the person that I am talking TO sometimes, not just the person listening to what I’m saying to someone else? That make any sense?
I feel like my relationship with Jesus has just been legitimized a lot this month. I feel like I have realized this whole new level of actually having a RELATIONSHIP with Him where I can actually feel a release when I sit in a room and talk to just Him about what I’m going through. I have realized that there were so many things in my life that I had never really asked HIM for forgiveness for, but had just confessed to other people around me and assumed He had heard me. I mean, of course He had heard me…but He wanted to be the one I was being open and real with, not the one who was watching me be open and real with someone else.
So, if that makes ANY sense, I have really gotten to spend a lot of time with Jesus this month and it has been such a blast just building our friendship. I don’t know if any one else can relate to just not really believing that Jesus can legitimately be a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with, an accountability partner, a friend to share secrets with, and a buddy to just hang out with, HE CAN BE. It is crazy how REAL a relationship with Jesus can be. He isn’t just some spirit out there that we will understand a lot better when we die and get to go to heaven…He can legitimately be our the best of the best of the best of your friends.
I’ve literally sat in my room at times this month and just talked out loud to Jesus for a long time. That’s something I’ve never done before and that, honestly, I felt a bit weird about at first. But then it became real. It became real friendship…real hanging out…real getting real.
I feel like I’m in a really good place right now (as long as this sickness will peace out!!) and I’m so pumped up for this last month that we’re about to jump into. Gonna be nuts to see what my boy Jesus has planned for us in chapter 11 of this story.
