I remember when I went skydiving back in my freshman year of
college. I was the same height
that I am now (about 6’2″ – 6’3″) but weighed in at just 160 llbs. It was a Christmas present from my
parents and I had been waiting since Christmas for the middle of April to roll
around so that it wouldn’t be SUPER cold.
I love watching the video from that day because I had to wear this
completely dorky, spandex jumpsuit thing and I wore a dorky helmet that looked
like a bullet on top of my head.
With my ridiculously lanky body, it was a sight that would make just
about anyone laugh.
The plane ride up was a flippin blast and ever since that
day, I have really wanted to go back up in a tiny plane just because they are
so fun to fly around in. Once we hit 12,000 feet, me and the
weirdo instructor that was attached to my back jumped out of the plane.
<INSERT SWEET PICTURE OF ME SKYDIVING HERE>
We had about 60 seconds of freefall before we needed to pull
the parachute. It was maybe some
of the most exhilarating seconds of my life. Plummeting towards the earth at just below terminal
velocity, I have never felt anything quite like it. It legitimately did feel like I was flying.
It is crazy though.
Even though you’re falling towards the earth at an INSANE speed, you
don’t really realize that the earth is getting closer to you as the seconds go
by. Maybe it is just because it is
SO far away but you just never get the sensation that the earth is getting
closer (or at least I didn’t). You
definitely get the sensation of falling though. And you definitely know that you are falling FAST because
the wind is crazy when you’re falling that fast.
After the exhilarating freefall, you have to pull the
chute. I remember being really
surprised when we pulled the chute.
Up to that point, I hadn’t really even noticed my perspective on the
earth changing even though I was definitely much closer to it at the end of the
freefall than I was at the beginning.
When we pulled the chute though and began to slow down you get the
weirdest perspective shift. For some reason, even though all the chute does is
slow down your fall, it LOOKS like the earth zooms away from you. If I were to trust only my eyes and my
own perspective, I would have said that when we pulled the chute, I flew
straight back up and away from the earth before I began falling again.
The reality though is just that you just slow down…you don’t
zoom away. I feel like this is the
picture God has been giving me lately.
I have been talking with many of my friends on this journey with me
lately and have consistently heard that many of us feel like we have done some
backsliding over these middle months of the race. I know that I personally have dealt with some frustration as
I’ve felt like I can SEE myself losing ground or taking steps backwards in my
walk with Jesus or in my walk to just maturity as a man. The feeling of backsliding is one of my
least favorite feelings that the satan tries to give me. It’s so much worse than feeling stagnant. Feeling like you’re actually moving
backwards is the worst.
In the same way though that the reality of skydiving is that
you DON’T stop falling closer to the earth, you just slow down, I have been
hearing the Lord tell me that the reality of our relationship is that it’s just
not in that “honeymoon” phase anymore. We’re not in that super emotionally exciting phase of the
relationship where everything FEELS super exciting. We’re in for the long haul now and the switch from what felt
like an exhilarating relationship to one that lasts has given me the illusion
of backsliding some days. The
process of slowing down to a mature pace sometimes gives me that illusion of
the earth getting further away when really, it still continues to get closer.
Jesus has had me in a process of looking back at the last
couple months of what I would have called some backsliding. He has been showing me how even though
it hasn’t feel like an emotional high, I have still grown so much. I have seriously grown in some
ridiculous ways. Now that He’s
starting to give me some perspective, the idea that I thought this was
“backsliding” is preposterous.
I am writing this blog mostly for my fellow
squad-mates. Guys, I know that a
ton of us have fallen prey to this illusion of backsliding. The reality though is just that we
aren’t riding that emotional high anymore. We are cruising along at a mature pace and we are still
growing. Look back at the last
couple months, do you really think you are the same or less of a mature person
in Jesus than you were 2 months ago?
Heck no. Sure, Jesus might
be doing some less glamorous stuff in you but you are still a changed person
who continues to be changed. At
least that is the reality that Jesus has been showing me about myself.
The slowdown that comes as the chute goes out is a good
process. We’re all still falling
towards the earth but we are falling at the pace of people who have been
through the freefall and are now on the road of mature followers of Jesus. We are dealing with REAL issues now. We’re past all the issues that come up
as a result of our emotional highs and lows.
I hope this is encouraging to you guys. It was really awesome for me when I
realized that Jesus has still been working in me and forming me these past
couple months. It was awesome when
I realized that I actually do look more like Jesus now than I did a couple
months ago when I was definitely feeling the opposite for a while. If you are feeling the same way that I
was feeling, like you were backsliding and didn’t know how to stop, ask Jesus
to give you some perspective. Ask
Him to speak some truth to you.
Ask Him to tell you straight up that you are still falling closer to the
earth when everything your eyes are telling you is that you are getting more
and more distant. I love you guys
and maybe some of what Jesus has been bringing me through makes sense to you
and helps you out. If not, now you
at least know what’s been going on in me!
Haha. I love you guys so
much.
