October 24th
Last night I had a dream that I was debating if I should get a tatoo. It was a specific tattoo that said “forgiven” on the inside of my wrist. I was asking my teammate, Brittney (who has a tattoo that says “forgiven” on her back) how long the pain would last if I decided to get it. I don’t remember what she said, but whatever she said, it was longer than I wanted. I decided not to get the tattoo.
Fast forward to this afternoon:
I was thinking about this year and different people from my squad I still held bitterness towards. I was telling people from the year (via God) that I forgave them for different things. This was hard for me. I didn’t understand why it was hard for me to forgive them in my heart. I asked God why it was so hard for me. He then lead me to read all of the bible verses about forgivness. After some journaling, God showed me that it wasn’t others I need to forgive, it was myself. Ultimately, I can’t even believe myself for thinking negative thoughts/feelings towards others. I was mad at myself for harboring bitterness towards these people.
I started writing “I am forgiven” over and over again on a piece of paper and I thought of getting a permament marker and writing “forgiven” on my wrist like that tattoo. That was when I was reminded of my dream.
God told me that “I am forgiven” is tattooed on my heart, but I have been wondering for a long time if it was worth the pain of actually believing this. I have not been choosing to believe the truth because it scared me. In my dream I don’t get the tattoo because the pain of getting the tatoo didn’t seem worth it. I haven’t wanted to believe that I am forgiven because I didn’t believe I was worth it, but God is asking me to take a leap of faith and believe that I am forgiven. So today I choose to believe that I am fully forgiven.
Please pray that I believe this truth. Please also pray that God continues to reveal things to me through my dreams and that I have the faith to believe that He can and does speak to me through dreams. This is new territory for me and I want to continue believing that God is bigger than the box I have placed Him in.
