As some of you know, I am doing this crazy World Race thing where I will be in a traveling missionary team to 11 different countries in 11 months. In order to do this ministry, I need to raise $15,500 by next June and I need $3,500 by the end of September. That is in 2 ½ weeks. Currently, I have about $600 raised. When I got home from Youth Encounter a month ago, I thought that I had to raise this money by October 13th. Because of this, I just started praying for sponsorship and asked God to show me how I should raise this money. Within a few weeks I was told to write a letter and He lead me through my writing of my support letter. I have never had an experience writing before like my letter that was completely lead by God. It was great.
Anyways, I wrote my letter and was very confident in it. As I was writing it, I found out that I needed my money ($3,500) by the end of September. 2 weeks EARLIER than I thought! I kind of freaked out and started to internally worry. But God calmed me down and told me not to worry, that I was just letting fear get the best of me.
So I have been sending out support letters in the last few weeks and getting everything ready. I have been feeling really confident in getting support in time. But yesterday, I looked at my calendar and saw that my deadline was 2 ½ weeks away! I felt anxiety stir inside of me. I didn’t know what to do, but I just let it go. I was driving home last night and I remember thinking about sponsorship again. I remember thinking to myself, “Ok, if I don’t get the money, I have some money back in another savings account I can use or I have some family that can cover for me until I get it”. And I BELIEVED THIS! I was believing that if God couldn’t provide, then I would cover for him. What right do I have to believe this????!!! This was definitely NOT from God.
I really didn’t realize what I was doing until this morning. I was praying with Jan about sponsorship and then it hit me. I was trying to rely on myself instead of relying on God. I thought I could do it better! Satan has been trying to get me to believe this in a lot of things right now, but I am not going to let Him! I know the Holy Spirit is in me and that He guides me.
After talking with Jan, I decided to check my sponsorship. I wondered if people would have gotten my letters yet. I know that I was checking my sponsorship out of fear and that wasn’t right, but guess what? God still gave me grace in my mistakes and provided me with my first official sponsor! My dear friend and teammate, Susan! I knew at that point God was showing me that He is the one in control and that He has my back. He is going to provide for me.
I know that even as I am writing this the devil is trying to make me write this out of fear, but He has NO control over me. The only one who guides me is my heavenly Father. He is the one in control. With His Spirit guiding me, there is no room for Satan to attack.
Prayer Request:
Please pray that God protects me from Satan’s attack through money. I want a changed heart that looks to God for my security and is not tainted by my fear and doubt.
