Right before training camp, I could tell that God had been speaking His truth over me and saying “Crying is not weak. Crying is a way to release pain and find freedom and peace.” Ok, so I logically knew this, but then I had to act on it. This was the harder thing. I could tell that I was slowly allowing God to show me how to cry. So when a situation happened when I wanted to cry, I slowly started accepting the truth God was speaking over me. I slowly was starting to cry more often.
During training camp, a theology professor/seminary dean gave us a lesson on grieving. He told us that in order to go out into the world and help others, we needed to deal with our own stuff first. We were asked to make a list of all of the things in life we have lost. Not just things like people, but things and concepts too like the loss of control, loss of innocence, loss of love, a job, a friendship, etc. When I wrote things on my list, God started working.
Each night at worship, I allowed myself to cry more and more. This was a big deal because I was surround by a bunch of people I didn’t know. But guess what? I started to feel the freedom.
Now it has been a little over two weeks from training camp and God is showing me what to grieve. Six out of the seven days this week I have cried either really hard or a lot or both. (This is not a normal thing for me). God is showing me things from my past that I never cried for because I didn’t want to deal with the pain. And let me tell you, I still don’t want to deal with pain from my past because it HURTS. However, I am finally letting out years of emotions and giving them to God. I am feeling SOOOOOOOOO much freedom from crying. God is still showing me how to be comfortable doing it in front of people, but I am finally accepting past pain and walking through it so I can heal from it.
The more and more I grieve and let feelings out, the more joy I am able to have for myself and for others. After tonight, I am feeling like these bible verses “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent, Lord my God, I will praise you forever. “ (Psalm 30:11 – 12)
God is turning my tears into dancing and singing and an unspeakable joy!. Are there things in your life you need to grieve and give over to God? Do you want to find freedom and let your tears turn into dancing? Ask God to show you what you need to grieve. Knowing from experience, He will definitely reveal these things to you because He is a God of freedom. He wants to take you to the pain so you can feel a greater peace and be healed.
