We have only be on the race for a week, but God is already giving me freedom from my past.
As I said before, I have always been worried about speaking my thoughts and feelings to people. I wouldn't say much in school for fear of being wrong or sounding stupid. I don't always open up to my friends and family for fear of getting a negative reaction or a fear of them not listening. I realized recently that I do not believe my voice is important.
Every night for the past week we have had a time of sharing of our pasts. It has been a time for us to be completely honest, open and vulnerable around the people we will be traveling with for a year. After going one night, I knew that I had to go up again and share the lie that I have living of thinking that I don't have a voice.
The devil tried everything to get me not to say it. I was fearful of even getting up and saying this to these people. I was more afraid of saying these things than originally saying some raw and real things from my past. The devil was really trying to get me from not saying anything.
Now I know why.
I spoke up and the squad spoke words of truth over me against that lie. To be honest, it helped, but that wasn't the transformation.
A few days later I was having a really difficult time missing my boyfriend and could feel the pain in my heart. I started asking God to give me a passion and desire for Him that was that strong and stronger.
And He did in a way I would have never expected.
As I was praying, I realized that I had been treating God like other people in my life who have hurt me. Therefore, I had no desire to completely open up to Him which is why I was not getting that intimate relationship with Him.
I started praying the truths that was not the people in my past who have hurt me emotionally. As my heart began to believe that, my prayers began to change.
I started having a burning desire in my heart for the Lord in a way I have never experienced before. I have more passion for people and God that I have never experienced. Because of that, I am no longer seeking to be filled up by the people around me. I am being filled with God. I am completely and utterly falling in Love with God.
I desire to talk to Him instead of thinking that it's a chore. I find rest in my down time because I know I have the opportunity to rest in God's presence.
I AM IN LOVE.
I am in love with a man who will be with me through eternity.
