Recently, all the female Impact Africa interns had a “feels night”. We all sat around a “camp fire” and shared about how we’re doing. The result was surprising… we’re all doing crappy. Story after story about struggling with not fitting in, or missing family, death, body image, depression. Not a single one of us was doing ok. And nobody knew it because it we all hid it well.
After several hours of talking I was flooded with negative emotion and was feeling quite depressed. When we finally prayed out I ran to my room and cried out to the Lord. There is so much pain and hurt here, why, God?! What is the point? Of life, of ministry, of community. I went to bed with a heavy heart, and woke up the next morning feeling just the same. I was so broken by all the pain going on in the hearts of the beautiful ladies I call my sisters. I was so broken by the fact that there was really nothing I could do for them.
For a long few days my outlook was less than hopeful. All I could think about was all the suffering in the world and in my life. I continued to ask the Lord how to cope with all that I was feeling, how to have a hopefulness for life. I did’t want to hear the usual cliches. That Jesus came to redeem the world so that we could have hope, or that this is satan’s world, not ours. None of that was helping me. But one thing did, and it was in the form of one of the most cliche worship songs ever.
How He loves us. Oh how He loves us. I knew that. I knew God loves us. I knew that it brings Him pain to see us in pain. I already knew all of it. But maybe I didn’t understand it. He loves us. And I felt His love wash upon me as I sang those words. The thing that hit me the most what this
“I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us”
Those words are so beautiful to me. Just to realize that I shouldn’t have time to think about all this pain, because I’m too busy thinking the love of my beautiful savior. That changed my perspective. I shouldn’t be thrown off by sorrows, I should be focusing all my time on Jesus. I don’t have time to be weighed down thinking about endless struggles because I need to be dwelling on what is pure, good, true, and lovely. I’d rather think about God’s great love. Cause ain’t nobody got time to waste on anything else.
