Jesus likes His Coffee Black.
Not kidding. At least that’s what he told me a couple of weeks ago during my quiet time with him.
You ever feel like something was missing in your life? Ever felt like there was something more that you needed to be doing? You had a great day and everything just went as smoothly as planned…but there’s just something, well, not quite right.
That’s how I was feeling for the last month. Something was missing. Something was lacking. I mean, why was I feeling this way to begin with? I am about to journey into the most amazing adventure of a lifetime! I am about to explore the world, share the good news of Jesus Christ, love on widows and orphans, and help lead women out of human trafficking. Everything I’ve ever wanted to do was just a few short weeks away. I have an amazing squad, an amazing support system, an amazing church family and let’s be honest, an amazing life here at home.
But yet in the deepest part of my heart, there was a sign that read “VACANT.”
I was reading my Bible, I was going to church, I was worshipping and praying for my team and my route, attending weekly small group, and was teaching Sunday school once a month. You know, doing all the “right, Christian things” to do.
But, it wasn’t enough.
In the midst of doing all the “Christian stuff,” I forgot the most important person. God.
I forgot God. That sounds weird right?
How could you forget God, when you’re doing all the “godly things?” It’s simple. You do all the right things to be this “good Christian,” and to “earn” a right standing with God. Impossible and very exhausting to do.
At the core, it was pride. I was seeking all these things to make me feel good, to make me look like I was “doing good,” instead of going to Him for my true joy and fulfillment. I forgot the most important part of my day was spending time with Him. How silly!
For the past month, I have been running around trying to prepare for the World Race, raising support, working full time, babysitting on weekends, doing all the “Christian” things as I mentioned before, but I was not listening to Jesus. I wasn’t spending quality time with him. Yes, the Creator of the universe desires intimacy with his creation (us). He desires that we meet with him daily.
I mentioned to several friends of mine that I just needed a day with Jesus. Literally, a whole day to just speak to him, LISTEN to him (with no interruptions), get off social media, silence my phone, and be at his feet. I felt him pursuing me but I just kept pushing him away. It wasn’t until one Saturday morning, I decided to meet with Him.
Forewarning: This blog is about to get real and really quick. If you are not a Christian, I would like to say that I understand how incredibly weird and awkward this might sound. Ok, it sounds downright crazy! I understand if you decide to stop reading, but please don’t. I think he has something to say to you too.
I woke up that morning with no desire to read my Bible or pray, but at the same time felt the urgency to go to him. He gently whispered to my spirit to meet with him. He had some things he needed to tell me. There, on that Saturday morning, at my kitchen table, I met with Jesus and it was an encounter I will never forget.
Actually, he met me.
Before my time with God, I went to the kitchen to get my morning fix. Coffee!
As I began to pour, I felt him say “Pour me a cup, too.” God was telling me to share that yummy goodness with him. I paused. I looked up. Really, God?
I wasn’t sure if that was just me making it up or it was really him. Now, this reminded me of a passage from a book I had read, where the author described an encounter she had with Jesus very similarly, where Jesus asked her to share a meal with him. Could he be asking me the same thing? A little hesitant, I stood still and listened.
He said it again. “Pour me a cup. I like it black.”
Huh? Jesus, really?
So as any “normal” person would do, I went to the cupboard, took out a mug and poured some coffee in it for him.
“Um, do you want cream?”
“Nah, I’ll take two sugars though.” So I went to the cupboard again, took out the sugar and poured two tablespoons in his cup. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. What happened next was short of disbelief.
I sat at my kitchen table. Completely silent. I put his cup in front of the chair diagonally from me. There I was, looking at both his cup and mine.
I just looked at the cup. Would He just show up and sip from it? I wasn’t ready for that!
Something had shifted, though. In that moment, the awkwardness and disbelief had left. My heart was laid low, not in sorrow but in humility. I knew right then and there I was in the presence of God.
Then I heard him speak into my heart.
“Look at me Christa.”
I looked, and it was just a chair and a cup of fresh brewed coffee. As I looked at the chair, I heard him speak to my heart again. “I am here. Trust that I am here. Now, look at me.” My gaze was on him. Immediately, I dropped my head and began to sob. He was there! Right there in MY kitchen, having coffee with me!
Disclaimer: he was not physically there, but His presence was felt!
It was like time had frozen in that hour that I spent with him. I had my journal out so that everything he said I could write down. This helps me to remember what he said and to remind myself of this encounter.
I felt him hold my hand. I felt his sweet, gentle gaze on me. He began to speak more.
“Christa, I know your deepest longings. I know your greatest desires. I know what you’ve wanted.” As I began to wipe my tears, I immediately switched the subject.
“Jesus, do you like your coffee?”
“It’s perfect,” he replied.
He proceeded to whisper some things in my heart. Things I tried to hide from him, things I tried to bury deep inside. Jesus was telling me how much I had been torturing my mind with all the negative thoughts about myself.
“The enemy has been deceiving your mind for so long because he knows that is where you lose your hope. That is where he can make you believe less of me and more of yourself. You doubt me because he has told you for years you’re not good enough to be loved and that you are not worthy of someone sticking around. He’s told you that you’re too fierce, too hurt, too loud, too real. Not enough.” The tears were flowing at this point.
“Look at me.”
There I looked at that empty chair again. There, I looked at Jesus. Then he said “The Creator of the universe says you’re enough.”
I whimpered out the words to say “Fill the void Jesus.”
“Let me in,” he said.
He reminded me of the verse in Revelation 3:20, “Here I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him.” In this case, he had coffee with me.
He whispered in my spirit again.
“Let me in all the parts you call awkward. Let me in to all the deep dark areas of your past, your pain, and where you feel most insecure. You tell people that I am a God that restores and redeems. Let me do that for you.”
He proceeds to speak after this.
“Trust in my timing. I make everything beautiful in its time. Christa, I am for you! I know what you need and what you long for. I know every hair on your head, every step you’ve taken, and every secret you’ve kept. I know everything.”
Well Gee, no sense of hiding from him now. It’s comical that sometimes we think we can hide from God as if he doesn’t know what we think or what’s in our hearts. It’s like watching a father play hide and seek with his child. He pretends that he can’t find them just so they believe they really can’t be found. It’s actually funny and heartwarming to watch. Then he hears them giggling behind a curtain where their feet are sticking out from underneath.
He knows where we’re at, guys! We deceive ourselves like that little child hiding from their daddy.
Jesus continued to speak to my heart.
“Let me take you on this journey, let me woo you.”
Then he reminded me of what I told him when I applied to The World Race. “It is me and you, remember? Remember when you told me ‘Jesus, it’s me and you?’ Are you still up for that?” I nodded yes in response to his precious beckoning.
“People have made you doubt yourself and have made you feel insignificant. It has made you feel like you’re just not enough. But the question isn’t if you’re enough, Christa, the question is, am I enough?”
That question hit hard. My tears subsided but a wave of guilt crashed over me as I responded to his question.
“No,” I answered with my head bowed.
I gave him the list of things I wanted with him. I wanted Jesus and a career. I wanted Jesus and marriage. I wanted Jesus and a family. I wanted Jesus and a house. I wanted Jesus and all the things that would make me happy. I knew that I was being real with him at this point.
He gently whispered, “Let me show you that I can be enough for you.”
In that moment, all the guilt and shame was lifted. It felt like he was cupping my face. He lifted my head up to gaze at his presence. I felt an overwhelming peace. He wasn’t mad at me. He wanted me to tell him the truth of what I was feeling. He didn’t let me wallow in shame, he didn’t condemn me at that moment, he didn’t say “I’m done with you.” He just asked if he could prove to me that he was enough.
Then he showed me something that was heart wrenching. He showed me a bruised body. It was mine. I asked him what he was trying to show me. Why was my body beaten and bruised?
He replied, “Some of these bruises are from people and things that have hurt you, but those bruises are fading because they are healing. However, the darker ones that are all over your body, are the ones you give yourself. You have beaten yourself up for far too long. Those bruises can’t heal because you keep beating on those same areas over and over again.” I was deeply saddened and in shock all at the same time. My face looked mangled, and my body was severely bruised as if I had just been hit by a Mac truck.
God was showing me the things I had been struggling with. He was showing me how much I had been hurting myself. He revealed to me the lies I was believing since I was a little girl. He did not shame me nor judge me.
He embraced me. He loved me.
Jesus had met me there to remind me of his unconditional love for me. To remind me that He hadn’t forgotten about me. To show me that he is still God and he is still in control. There at my kitchen table, with two cups of coffee in front of me, the Lord had told me that he will not withhold good from me (Psalm 84:11).
God continues to be faithful even when I am faithless. He continues to speak to me daily as I meet with him. Whether you believe Jesus likes his coffee black (I swear he does) or believe he is just not that interested in you, or believe that I am fool for thinking that Jesus would actually speak to me, I am here to encourage you to believe in him. Believe that he will meet you where you’re at! Would you accept that gentle whisper in your heart to meet with the Creator? Speak to him and let him tell you that he loves you. Pour out your heart before him and he will honor you and lift your head. And as you lift your head and gaze upon him, your heart will be filled with incredible joy and peace despite the circumstances.
Would you consider meeting with him? I promise it will be a time you won’t regret.
In less than a week, I will be going on The World Race. I am almost at full support. If you would like to be a part of my journey, please subscribe and I pray that the Lord leads you to give. Partner with me! I know God has incredible plans for me and my teammates. Thank you for all who have already supported. It means so much!
