I don’t get it, God. In Ireland, you taught us how each of us has authority in you. We were taught that we have the power to heal the sick and caste out demons. You send me to the villages in India where so many people are sick and broken. God, your children are hurting and you are their only hope.
Why are you not moving?
How am I supposed to have faith that what you have taught me is real unless I see you do it? Am I supposed to just keep praying and expecting even though nothing is happening? If your nature is to heal and give good gifts to your children why aren’t you doing it?
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Psalm 74
“Why does your anger smolder against the sheep of your pasture? Turn your steps towards these everlasting ruins. We are given no miraculous signs and none of us knows how long this will be. How long will the enemy mock you, O God? Why do you hold back your hand? Take it from the folds of your garment and destroy them!
Do not hand over the life of your dove to wild beasts. Do not forget the lives of your afflicted people forever. Do not let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise your name.
Rise up, O God and defend your cause!”
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Help me to see your hand, God. I don’t want to doubt you but I am. I know you are good… I know you are, but right now I don’t see it. All I see is broken people searching for you. People begging for you to show up and do something. Where are you and why aren’t you doing the things you say you do?
I know that your ways are much higher than mine. I know your thoughts are beyond my comprehension. But these are your children. What is your plan to help them?
Since we began ministry in India, we have seen so much suffering. There was one night in particular that brought me so much frustration. We were walking around the village praying for people as usual and a woman came up to me with her son. She spoke to my translator and asked me if I could pray for her son because he couldn’t speak.
I thought God was going to show up. I had so much faith that God was going to let this young man talk. But nothing happened. He came to the church service that night and, again, I thought God was going to heal him. I watched him during the service, sitting with his friends. They were all singing and talking and he just sat there. I almost felt guilty for my ability to speak.
At the end of the service, we pray for anyone who wants prayer. The young man went to one of my teammates for prayer and I went and found him outside when we had finished. I asked if I could pray for him again.
He still couldn’t speak.
This night made me wrestle with God. What is the point of prayer if God is going to do whatever He wants anyway?
I still don’t know.
All I do know is that I will be still and wait; I will be still and know that He is God. I will still cling to the promises He makes in scripture and I will keep praying. Even if the people I pray for are not healed instantly I will trust that God is working in their lives. I am going to keep asking God to show up in huge ways. Even though it might not be exactly when or where I want Him to, I am clinging to the belief that He will do it because I am His child and so are all the people I will pray for.
God is good even when His decisions make no sense to me.
