I wish I blogged like Andie Lance. I wish I could fundraise like Brandi Wilcox.
The truth is, I really have no idea what I am doing.
I find myself constantly asking God to show me the steps he wants me to take.
I sometimes want him to lead me one step at a time, because that way I can’t miss-step
But then I end up so stressed everything about I’m not doing, thinking that I maybe should bedon’t more
What if I do it wrong?
What if I mess this up?
Honestly, I want to blog frequently and keep you readers, whoever you are, spinning with all the cool things God is doing in my life, but I usually don’t even realize what he is doing until later.
I want to tell you guys about cool things he’s teaching me but I don’t always know how to go about talking about it… and I’m afraid that if I write a blog that’s too long, you lovely unknown people won’t read my blog, if you even do already.
Let me just say, if you do read my blog, thank you. There aren’t words to express how greatful I truly am. If I ever actually get to the 11 countries on my list, you guys will be directly responsible.
I am really realizing something today…I have been reading some blogs this morning (instead of paying attention to my class), and I think I’ve figured out what the, or at least one of the many problems is: Realness.
How real am I being?
Upon deeper consideration, I noticed I really haven’t been super real with this blog. I have been bogging about stuff that doesn’t really matter, I think.
So, here is to being real…
I once heard that a good sculptor starts with a formless chunk and simply removes everything that isn’t their goal. For instance, if a sculptor wanted to create a tree out of granite, he would start with a block of granite and remove everything that wasn’t a tree.
God has really been chiseling away the pieces of me that don’t look like him. He is the master sculptor. He is taking this huge chunk of mess and he is removing the things that dont look like him… pebble by pebble.
Recently I have had to do some hard things. I have had to work really hard in school so that I could potentially graduate before the race. Full disclosure: is pretty stressful. At Louisiana Tech University, we are on the quarter system, not the semester system. So we have three I2-week quarters while everyone else gets two 18-week semesters. Because we are in each class for less time, we really have to stay on top of assignments. There really is no lull in a quarter. Students have to be gettin’ it from start to finish. That being said, full time for the quarter system is 8-12 hours. This quarter, I’m taking 14. And I will probably be taking 14 in the fall. Which leaves 7 hours for me to get this summer in order to graduate in the fall and be done with my bachelor’s degree by the time I go on the world race. However, I’m also in the honors college. In order to graduate with that academic endorsement, I have to maintain a 3.3 GPA. I currently have about a 3.4. With this stringent schedule I have to keep in order to graduate on time, keeping a stellar GPA is hard work. It stresses me out a lot, and keeps me worried about school preety much all the time. Oh, and those 7 hours of summer classes I mentioned… Yeah, I’m committed to interning at a summer camp called Camp Fuego. My entire summer will be spent working here. That leaves little time for getting 7 hours of college credit, especially considering that 8 hours is considered a full time course load.
Yeah.
In the meantime, I’m volunteering at a church… allow me to point out that I live at college, in Ruston, and my church is an hour away in Bossier. I am there every Wednesday and every Sunday. As I’m sure you have figured out, I don’t have a “real” job. I don’t have time for one. So, likewise, I have no money except that given to me by extremely generous individuals. Now let me break this down for you: 1 hour to Bossier +1 hour back each Wednesday. That’s 2 hours 4 times a month. That’s 8 hours. Plus 1 hour to Bossier for Sunday church, and of course, 1 hour back. Assuming I do no driving other than from Ruston to church and back (highly unlikely), we are still talking about another 2 hours 4 times a week. So another 8 hours. That is 16 hours of driving total, not including any other cruising I do while in town. As you can imagine, y that’s a ton of gas money. And I have to eatwhile I’m there. So I’m spending nearly 300 dollars a month just to volunteer.
Add my lack of money into the equitation and you can see that, though God has me in an amazing place right now, there is a lot of worry and stress here.
School stress.
Camp Fuego stress.
Church stress.
Financial stress.
World race stress.
I don’t mean to whine. I’m not asking for pity. I’m in a beautiful season with the Father right now, and I truly love it. But I want to be real when I blog. I want you all to truly know what’s going on in my life.
I dont really know how to be a good Blogger, or how to get tons of followers to subscribe to this thing. I don’t know how to fundraise. I don’t really know what I’m doing. That’s honesty. There you have it, folks.
I want to be real with you all about this so that when I say the following, you may understand just a little bit more:
I need your help.
And if you know me, you know I don’t say that lightly.
This beautiful season is also a difficult season. The Lord is teaching me about his provision. He is teaching me about what it means to carry each others’ burdens. He is showing me some beautiful new revelations and asking me to trust him more fully than he ever had before.
This is my season of mana.
Like the Isrealites had to trust God for mana each day, he is asking me to trust his provision daily. Not storing more than I need, but simply resting in his image provision.
To tgat I say, rain down the mana, father. I’ll wait as patiently as I can in the meantime, because I know your provision is astounding, and I know your provision is for my daily needs, just as it was for the Isrealites in the desert.
