As I continue this theme of Reveal, this post will highlight the areas of my life that the Lord has brought healing to, as well as some general information of what I’ve been up to.
We recently wrapped up our ministry in Romania, and have already transitioned to Macedonia which is where we will be for our eighth month of our World Race. Reflecting back on my time in Romania, I see lots of healing and peace. But first, some general information about our ministry while in Romania.
Our time in Romania was called an all-squad month, which is where the whole squad serves together (relatively), and lives together (literally). We partnered with Hope Church located in Draganesti-Olt, Romania. The church owns a large building (missions house) capable of lodging roughly 50 people or so, which is where we stayed for the month. The leader of the church is Raul Costea, who is a gifted evangelist and leader. Our first day in Draganesti Raul invested time in finding out more about each of us, and explained the church and the local culture where we were at. Hope Church has various projects that have been created to help spread the Gospel, and meet the needs of the local people. The New Testament for Every House, Your Kingdom Come, and 25/5 Kids Club are just few of those projects. Each of the three teams within our squad were divided up to help serve and lead in these different projects for the month. My team, Team Third, was divided up between the After School Kids Program and office administration. I personally served within the office administration ministry, and helped reach out to other ministries and Bible colleges across the globe to help establish new partnerships for Hope Church. It was neat seeing how partnerships are such an essential aspect to Hope Church and all that God is doing through Hope Church. Seeing how essential these partnerships are reminded me of the importance of the body of Christ coming together to complement each other and build each other up for the purpose of advancing God’s Kingdom here on earth. As the Church global, we should be reaching out to each other, offering help when needed, and sharing resources as we unite together to make Jesus famous among all the nations.
Romans 12:5
“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”
1 Corinthians 10:17
“Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf.”
1 Corinthians 12:12
“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.”
1 Corinthians 12:26
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”
Ephesians 4:11-13
“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”
This reminder was also displayed though our whole squad being together for the month. Yes, it was chaotic living with the rest of the squad, but there is beauty in the chaos. Relationships are messy. But it was neat seeing a glimpse of the body coming together, made up of all its different parts, through our squad living together.
Early on in the month I initiated what is called a heart healing for myself. A heart healing is simply a time when someone leads another, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to places in their past that are still emotionally damaged, and that pain is still being felt through various situations and circumstances here in the present, so that God can bring wholesome healing to those areas, and to usher in freedom from those emotional wounds. Our squad’s mentor, Daniel, was the facilitator during this time, and my teammate Sang was present to intercede and offer support and guidance. This was a powerful time as I was led to some past experiences that I had no idea that were still “hurting” and had yet to be healed. It was also a time when many different lies were revealed in my daily thought processes. I have made so many agreements within myself that have been damaging and detrimental to my faith and growth as a Christ-follower. During the latter part of this time of heart healing, I was able to counter each of those damaging agreements with truth, and proclaim God’s view of me over myself. It was a time of encouragement that I had desperately needed for a long time. It all stems from rejection. Many of these damaging agreements stem from a perceived sense of rejection that has been hammered into my thoughts through many different experiences over the years. There are many defensive mechanisms that I’ve put in place to deal with any type of perceived rejection that may arise at any moment in my life. It’s why I’ve gotten so proficient at pushing people away and not feeling like a true part of the group, because I feel rejected. Not feeling like I have anything worthwhile to offer, no strength to offer. This has occurred through the romantic relationships in my past, my family, and friendships in my past and present. This has become a breeding ground within my mind for more deception to take root, and many more damaging agreements to be made. However, through desperate prayer for healing of these wounds, God is revealing the source behind these tender areas of my life and my past, and I’m learning to recognize when these damaging agreements come into play in the day-to-day, and how to counter them with God’s truth. Saying that this is a slow process is an understatement, sometimes it feels like I’m making no progress at all. Thankfully, hindsight is 20/20 (usually), and looking back even over this past month, I see many small victories in conquering these attacks on my identity.
Another aspect of my personal growth has been acquiring peace. Oh the peace that comes from lifting up my burdens to the Lord and entrusting them to Him fully. The verse that I have focused quite a bit of time reflecting and meditating on has been Philippians 4:6-7:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Just this morning as I read over a Bible study that I’ve been working through with various squad-mates, it focused on Matthew 20:29-32, when Jesus heals two blind men. In particular, verse 32 says, “Jesus stopped and called them. ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ he asked.” It’s interesting that Jesus asked them that question, because Jesus already knew the answer. Jesus asked them to see if they knew what they were really seeking. I’m recognizing the importance behind knowing specifically what I’m seeking Jesus to do in my life. It’s up to Him whether he answers my prayers or not, but coming to Him as I am with what is plaguing my heart and my life releases that anxiety from me, and allows me to live in peace. With that, I’ve been praying for some specific things in my life, and trusting the Father of lights with my desires and requests. One of my favorite worship songs is “Here’s My Heart” by Crowder, and one of the lyrics in the song reads “Here’s my heart, Lord, speak what is true”. That’s how I end my prayers now, by saying that I’ve laid my heart before the Lord, just as it is, and then ask for the Lord to speak truth over me. As I do this, I’ve noticed my requests begin to change, not necessarily that I begin asking for something different, but rather I see how I ask begin to change. Often times God shows me that what I’m asking for is not bad, but how I ask for it reveals a lot of selfishness and a desire to shine the spotlight on myself, instead of giving God all of the credit.
John 14:12-14
“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”
I’m reminded that it’s very important to be discerning in what I pray for, since this is where it can become easy to begin praying for things that bear zero eternal significance. With each request I approach the throne with, I’m making it a point to ask myself how will God be glorified if this request is granted. Who get’s the recognition, and is there eternal significance? These are the questions I’m careful to ask myself with each of the things I approach the Lord with.
One of the things I’m specifically seeking the Lord for is clarity in what to do after the race ends this November. I’m asking for opportunities to open up, and for doors to open in the direction I need to move in, and for doors to close to prevent me from moving in the wrong direction. There’s a lot of room to become more specific in this request, I realize. Raul and I had a good conversation about the Biblical definition of developing a burden for a specific people group or region or culture. My prayer is also that God would deepen in me the burden to see people come to know Jesus, and that over time that burden would bear enough specificity to reveal where the Lord wants me to serve and live, and whom to do it all alongside with.
Lots going on. God tends to work with those who are already working. In terms of football, I’m nearing the end of the third quarter. I’m blown away that August is right around the corner. Please pray for me. More healing, more growth, more peace, more revelation, more freedom. I believe this year of my life will set the trajectory for the rest of my life. There’s so much at stake in these last moments of this wild and crazy adventure. Please pray that the Lord’s plans, purposes, and will are fully accomplished in this season of my faith and life.
The last thing that I’m learning more and more about is jealousy. There is jealously from a human standpoint, and then there’s the Godly jealousy that God has for our hearts as His children. Human jealousy often stems from envy or possessiveness, or from trying to control people and/or circumstances to meet your selfish needs and wants; wanting what others have.
James 3:14-15
“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”
God’s jealousy for us as His children is more of a zealous desire, as we see in Exodus 20:4-5. God’s rightful jealousy for us fits perfectly within His holiness.
There are various things that I’ve found myself jealous over, and I’ve had to repent. James 3 likens jealousy to selfish ambition, and that where those are found there will be disorder. I’ve had to ask the Lord to lead me down the path to repenting from being jealous and envious of what others have and I do not. Please join me in praying for this. Living without jealousy is a question of wisdom. I desire the wisdom that comes from above, as written in James 3:17-18:
“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
**Please consider helping Hope for Maruntei Church (planted by Hope Church) purchase a much needed new building and land. Their ministry is growing, and they are in need of a new space to meet. There is a time limit on this financial aid campaign. At the very least, please pray for God to provide for them and for their growth to continue. To give, please go HERE.
Thanks for reading along!
