I’m currently on the plane that will take me back to the USA. It’s been roughly 11 months since I’ve stood on American soil. I’d imagine anyone who would have the chance would ask something along the lines of: how do you feel? What impacted you most over these past 11 months? What are the highlights? What were some of the challenges? What is God calling you to next? Tears are welling up in my eyes as I contemplate these questions here in my confined airplane seat.
You see, it’s strange what just came to mind. We have the privilege of flying Qatar Airlines, and each seat has it’s own seat-back monitor with many different movies available to watch. I just finished watching the new Star Trek movie. Before I go any further, I’d like to make it known that I am by no means a Star Trek fanatic. I do enjoy the Star Trek movies, and so when I saw that a new one came out recently and was available to watch, I decided to give it a go. To anyone who is familiar with these movies, and has been keeping up with the story line, the crew of the Enterprise was roughly half way through a 5 year discovery mission. At this point in the mission, things had grown dull, and everyday routine became numbing, until the crew was sucked into a trick and attacked, and many of the crew, as well as the Enterprise itself, was destroyed. (I apologize to the Star Trek fanatics that may be reading this, because I’m likely doing a poor job at summarizing. Please bear with me). It was when disaster struck that things began to get interesting. The captain and crew came alive again as they were forced to rise to the occasion at hand, and fight the enemy and maintain hope, even in the bleakest of situations. Lots of Hollywood. In a way, this concept does a relatively good job at summarizing what these past 11 months have been like. God has gotten my attention, and has brought me back to life and has given me an adventure to live and fight in; a revitalized purpose in moving forward. Life before the race wasn’t necessarily boring, but compared to life on the race it was routine, monotonous. God used the World Race to revitalize me and bring me back to the exciting adventure of what following Jesus truly looks like. Stay with me as you read this, because I’m going to jump around a bit.
I was recently reading a book by Tony Evans, a Christian author that I have a lot of respect for. He was writing about spiritual warfare, and how we as Christ-followers should respond to the spiritual warfare that we are engaged in each day. I loved one of his metaphors. Tony is a huge fan of football, and he writes about watching football game replays at times, even after finding out the final score. There is often times such an anxious uncertainty in watching a football game live, or any sporting game for that manner. The stress levels can be sky-high, especially if the game is close as the clock winds down to the end. But Tony points out something very interesting in watching the replay of a game, even after finding out the winner beforehand. It’s fun watching a replay, even though you know who wins at the end, because you want to see how the game was played, and how the winning team fought to come out on top. As we watch a replay of a game in which our team wins, we may see several fumbles from our team, turnovers, interceptions, and even touchdowns from the other team, but as we watch, those disappointing events don’t bring us down, because we already know the final outcome of the game. The other team can pull ahead as much as they want, but as we watch the rest of the replay, we have an unshakable hope and truth in knowing that our team wins. Our lives as Christians is similar. As we move forward in our lives, no matter how bleak our lives may become or how heated the attacks of the enemy become, we can have hope and know without a shadow of a doubt that God wins. Victory is ours! This is the hope that God has taught me through this incredible adventure that is coming to a close. We should live life not striving for victory, but rather live from a place of victory.
We had training camp in Thailand back in January. We had some great teachers share on various topics to prepare us for what was to come. A statement that was made from one of the teachers was this: God will kick the bricks of your foundation. When I first heard that, I didn’t know what it meant. In fact, I even questioned it’s validity. But now, as I sit and write this blog post in my little airplane seat, I see the truth in it. Foundations are imperative. In the sense of physical buildings, the structural stability of the foundation must be tested before fully trusting anything to be built upon it. But the truest test of a foundation is that of time, once the building process has begun. I am by no means a “finished building”. God is still very much in the process of building me, molding me, fashioning me further into His image. But what this past year has entailed is addressing some cracks that have formed in my spiritual foundation. God revealed where the weaknesses of my foundation are, and has strengthened them. It hasn’t just been foundational work, but further building has taken place on that foundation, as well. Please don’t get lost in my metaphor.
Our foundation is our identity. So to take this a little further, God has strengthened my identity. Before the race, my life was being built on a foundation that wasn’t fully stable, I was being molded and shaped more and more into His image but on an identity that wasn’t fully set on the solid rock that is Jesus. Our good good Father has strengthened my identity in what Jesus did on the cross.
Back at training camp was when I first heard the song “Good Good Father” by Housefires. I thought it was weird. I didn’t truly know God as my good good Father. This is another powerful aspect of what God has done in me over these 11 months. I’ve experienced a transformative revelation of Father’s love. I’ve seen how I operated out of a spiritual orphan mindset. Striving for more of God’s love, affirmation, and confirmation. Trying to please others in my performance-oriented mindset. God has shown me that what he desires most is me; a deeply intimate relationship with me. He has shown me this truth through many different ways and avenues, but the one that sticks out the most is from Luke 15:11-32 (if you’re not familiar with this story, then I recommend you take a moment to read it and refresh yourself). I can certainly relate with both brothers described in the parable. However, I can relate most with the older brother, which is discussed in the latter part of the parable.
Jack Frost, in his book Experiencing Father’s Embrace, says this, “Many have the attitude of the older brother, the good son, and their sin against love can misrepresent Father God’s heart in far greater ways than the more blatant sins of the rebellious son…..Those who profess to love God and who diligently live by a strict form of the law and legalism are sometimes the greatest hindrance to the advancement of the Kingdom of God. Sins of disposition can be worse than sins of behavior, not because one sin is necessarily greater than another, but because of what the sins of disposition reveal – a lack of experiencing the Father’s love at the very root of the soul…..It is so easy for us to judge the offenses of the rebellious son, to identify and condemn them, because those offenses are more obvious to the outside observer. But the older brother looks so righteous, so good, that it is often difficult to discern the hidden sins of superiority, jealousy, pride, and self-righteousness that lurk within his heart.”
This describes me with surprising accuracy. For so long it’s been hard to admit this, but God has graciously revealed this truth to me. I must admit, there is so much freedom in simply admitting where I’m truly at. Most of us live in constant fear of being found out, of being revealed as an imposter, someone who actually doesn’t have it all figured out. We are afraid of others finding out the truth. This fear is a lie from the enemy. It’s when we are vulnerable and transparent that we can experience the freedom that is at stake. God calls us to approach him simply as we are; there’s no need to try and clean ourselves up beforehand, or appear holier than we really are to those around us. His power is made perfect in our weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, because it’s then that Christ is most powerful in and through me. The sense of pride, superiority, and jealousy run deep in me. These things have been surfaced in my life so that God can begin doing as only He can – heart transformation. When someone goes in for surgery, they simply surrender themselves to the doctor, and doctor does all the work to bring wholeness to the patient. It’s amazing when I surrender myself to the Lord, because it’s then that He takes over and brings wholeness to my life, and heals me.
Rejection. This is a word that has influenced so much of my life. Being rejected, or the fear of rejection, has infected my day-to-day thoughts, words, and actions for years now. God has shined a light on this and has restored the courage and boldness that He calls me to. There are many different dynamics to this, but I have learned to simply be – to be the man that God created me to be. I’m still learning how to do this, and each day is a struggle, but I’m headed in the right direction. I am accepted by the One, True King, and that’s all that matters. Even if others reject me, or if I perceive rejection, whether in relationships or friendships, I can stand firm in who I am, or more importantly in who God says I am. Foundation. Identity. Do you see the weavings of how God has been working? Are you beginning to see His fingerprints in this story? There’s no need to strive for that which we already have. Trying to win the acceptance of others, due to a faulty identity, one that is not rooted solely in Jesus, can be detrimental to our walk of faith. God has shown me how to be me, the real me, faults and all, and still walk in courage and confidence due to who He says I am, despite of the actions of others.
“When we begin to serve God for the praise of man or to find identity in what we do, no matter how great the call of God is on our lives, no matter how powerful the gifts or the anointing flow in our ministry, that underlying attitude of self-love can begin to produce a hidden resentment and anger, fueled by a fear of rejection and a fear of failure. As soon as our service is no longer motivated by God’s love, but by a need to be needed or seen, we begin to drift away from Father’s heart of compassion, and we will soon find ourselves in the older brother’s shoes, slaving in the fields and thinking all along that we dwell in His house of love…….Most older brothers are right; they are usually the most loyal, hardest-working, best performers in the church. But often they would rather prove their rightness than promote intimate relationships. They value obedience over relationship, and they use that self-righteousness to justify their negative attitudes………Bad people loved to hang out with Jesus. Good people wanted to kill Him. How do the lost and hurting feel around you? Do they sense your compassion and concern, or do they feel devalued, shamed, and belittled?” (Frost).
My goodness do these words cut to the core of me. I wept when I first read these words, and am deeply moved as I type them out for you to read. God is now re-aligning me to be motivated by His love in all I think, do, and say. I still have a very long way to go, but I’m so encouraged to begin seeing good fruit come from this adjustment in me. God’s grace runs deep, and is enough for you no matter where you are at.
Freedom. I have experienced such a strong degree of freedom as I’ve learned to throw off the guilt and shame that tries to creep into my thoughts each day. Take each thought captive and make it obedient to the message of Jesus. I had the privilege of team leading the first three months, as well as the last three months of the race. God has taught me the most about freedom through transitioning to and from having unique responsibilities and holding a position of authority. It’s not about winning the approval of man, but rather the approval of the Lord (Galatians 1:10). When I finally realized this, it freed me up to lead how the Spirit led me, and not worry about trying to impress or win the affection of each of my teammates – not that winning their affection is bad, but it greatly limits your leadership when it takes precedence over doing what God is calling you to do. Jesus greatly exemplified servant leadership – and I have gleaned so much from His example. If we are to lead others into a revelation of Father’s love, we have to lead from underneath them, not over them. God’s love flows best in the lowest of places. Just like water always seeks the lowest place, we too should seek to humble ourselves and serve others from lowly position. The role of leaders is to empower future ones. Leadership is more about the character of the leader, than the words or actions of the leader. You may be gifted to lead, but your character will determine the ongoing impact of your leadership; and character is proven over a lifetime. I definitely have my fair share of faults in character, but with each shortcoming I’ve learned to ask for forgiveness, and show grace not only to others, but also to myself, to get up, accept His forgiveness, and keep going.
At the core of these past 11 months, Jesus used me and my squad to impact so many lives. It’s so humbling looking back and seeing all that God has done through me. But you see, the primary purpose of sending me on this trip was so that God could change me and impact my life. Four years ago I attended for the first time Passion Conference in Atlanta. Passion 2012. I was with two friends of mine, Matt and Eric. Towards the end of the conference Chris Tomlin sang “No Turning Back”. It was within the span of those five minutes or so that God spoke something to me: “Chris, I am sending you out to the nations to preach my story of redemptive grace. You will be my disciple on mission for my glory.” I didn’t accept this message at first, and even forgot it. As I was finishing up my Master’s degree in engineering last year and began to contemplate what would lie next, God reminded me of this message. That’s when the idea of going on the world race really began to take root. Having now completed the world race, that message of being sent to the nations has only been confirmed over and over again. Our squad held a superlative awards ceremony during our final debrief a few days ago. We all voted for who would win each category. By what I would call a landslide, I won the award for being the most likely to become a pastor. Honestly, I was hoping to win a more exciting category. Only the Lord knows what lies ahead, but I will say this, I am open more than ever to accepting whatever He has for me, and how that looks. For now, I’m deeply convicted to get out of debt and pay off my student loans as quickly as possible. Also, I’m strongly looking at applying for a course that Adventures in Missions offers called CGA, Center for Global Action. It’s a five-month long course held in Gainesville, Georgia and it teaches various topics, by which the one I’m most interested in is incorporating missions into your vocational, professional skills.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated in determining where to go next.
I hope that these blog posts have served as a source of encouragement to all who have read them. They have served as a sort of testimony of what God has been doing in my life. There may be some who read about all of this and desire the same thing in their life – to go on an epic adventure and experience God on a whole new level. To that I would say you don’t have to travel around the world to experience God on a deeper level. Adventure can be found anywhere, even in your own zip code. God longs to bring you into deeper depths of His love and intimacy. Listen to what He is speaking to you, and act in faith.
To wrap all of this up, I would also say this: we were created to live in community, we are communal creatures. The high majority of the things that I learned on this crazy adventure were through the context of community. This cannot be missed. I owe so much to my squad for being the medium through which God worked and moved so powerfully in and through my life over these past 11 months. They have been the sandpaper that the Lord has used to refine me (Proverbs 27:17).
To my squad, I love each of you dearly and am so incredibly thankful for you. May this be the beginning of a lifelong friendship, and may much more refining come about through our friendship.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)
