I’m currently listening to David Crowder’s version of the song “Here’s My Heart” from the Passion: Let the Future Begin album. There are some awesome declarations in this song, and I encourage all who haven’t heard it to give it a listen. I was at Passion 2013 when they sang this song.
I’m reminded of some things that have been laid on my heart so far during my time in Estonia. Disclaimer, there’s not really a “flow” to this blog, just a hodgepodge of thought being put into words. However, I hope it encourages all who read this post, as it has encouraged me.
Here at the retreat center my team is staying at is a mini soccer field with little goals and all. There have been a few afternoons that I will head out there with a soccer ball and just take a bunch of shots on goal. These moments have proven to be fruitful times to think, soak in some vitamin D, and just play a sport that I still love playing. Now, mind you, I go out there by myself most of the time; so there’s no goalie. There’s no other person out there to prevent the ball from going in the goal, it’s all dependent of whether I kick the ball correctly for it to go in. I miss the goal roughly 95% of the time, and have to walk back behind the goal a good 30 feet or so sometimes to retrieve the ball. I then promptly take the ball back to the field, position it again, and take another shot. I can do this almost mindlessly for an hour or so. It wasn’t until last week that as I was out there yet again, shooting and missing, that I finally started getting pretty frustrated that I kept missing the goal. I wanted to start making the shots I take, not miss them and have to walk all that way to retrieve the ball. I grew tired of missing. It wasn’t until this point that I really began to hone in on my technique and started learning from my mistakes and improving upon my game. To my enjoyment, I started landing more goals in the net. Don’t get me wrong, I still missed many shots, but I also started making more shots. Revelation point: It hit me that, although I was doing what it takes to get better at my shooting the ball, I wasn’t actually growing and getting better. I was doing what it takes to get better, being out there on the field and taking shots and putting in a lot of time, but wasn’t actually getting better. This is what my walk with the Lord looks like sometimes. I can do all that’s necessary to grow in my faith, but not actually grow because my heart isn’t fully in it.
Another thought I had was during the church service I attended this past Sunday. A gentleman from England preached, so naturally he spoke in English and a woman translated his words into Estonian. He was preaching from Acts 2, specifically on how the early church looked. As he talked my mind kept getting the word “clarity”. I started paying more attention to the translator who was necessary in the majority of the congregation understanding the message. My mind was then reminded of the previous Sunday, where our host was there to translate the message from Estonian to English so we could understand. These thoughts led me to think of how important it is for our actions and speech to be clear in transmitting this Good News to the nations. Does what we do and say clearly present the Gospel, or do they distort the message of the Gospel? Clarity is everything. Even Paul says that anyone who speaks in tongues should have a translator, so that everyone listening may be edified through understanding what is being said. Our actions and tongue should also have such clarity so as to edify our brothers and sisters around us and clearly present this Gospel message to all around us.
One of the projects we were given early on during our stay here was to pave the way for a prayer path, literally. We went with a chainsaw and removed a bunch of trees to create this prayer walk path throughout the property. We then shoveled many many wheelbarrows of dirt to create a walking path along the path we made with the chainsaw. It was painstaking work, and there were moments when the work seemed to have no end. However, we finished the project just this morning and it was so encouraging being able to walk it and be the first to pray down it. It was neat symbolism of what God does for us in our lives. He paves the way for us to walk in, a path characterized by drawing closer to Him. It was such a privilege getting to help make such a path for future people to walk down and draw closer to the Lord.
A large area of growth has come from a book I’ve been reading lately (Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship by Jack Frost), and the biggest message I’ve received from it is how important it is to become more and more secure in God’s love for me – not feeling like I have to work for God’s love, and simply resting in His incredible love for me – that’s been the central theme to the book so far. I will write a blog highlighting more of that specific journey later.
