I promise, I’m not schizophrenic.
I ran into one of my mentors, Tucker, at the mall today and naturally, he asked how I’m doing. I explained that in reality, things are good. Everything, stressors aside, is going pretty smoothly and the Lord is doing a lot in my life and heart. The discussion went quickly from being based in what I know to what I feel and there is where things, honestly, got a little mixed up. I often listen to that stupid insecure voice in my head and that voice began talking for me. It was a weird moment for me because I saw Tucker’s facial expression and demeanor changed when he heard it. He let me finish the thought, then he spoke. He said, “I know I’m talking to Chris right now, but Chris isn’t speaking. Your insecurities need another name. I’m going to call that Chris something else… Sergio. I’m walking and talking with Chris, but I need Sergio to step aside for a minute.”
“Sergio? Do I switch nationalities when I get emotional? I had a friend in high school named Sergio, he’s a nice guy…”
“No, it was just the first ‘Se’ name I could think of. Like in-‘se’-curities… Whatever. Yeah, imagine Sergio with a villain accent, because that’s all he is. Sergio, in your head, not your high school friend, isn’t just a voice of reason with good intentions, he’s an actual bad guy. He is your flesh. He’s trying to give you any reason not to keep up the fight. He doesn’t want you to do what God wants you to do because Sergio is your sinful nature. He wants you to just get scared off by difficult seasons. God wants Chris to tell Sergio to step aside. Romans 13, bro. Let the Spirit shut Sergio up and put on Christ. In fact, go home and read Romans 13.”
I walked with him to the coin-operated rides in the mall where his wife and daughters were and left the store. I ran a couple more errands, then came to the District to write some support letters. I sat down to write, then remembered that I had homework: I had to read Romans 13. So I did, and here I am; a wrecked, wretched, sinful man, sitting in a coffee shop telling Sergio to shut up. I’m preaching to myself that I am not just the bag of meat sitting in the corner, in front of a laptop, clacking away, but I am a Spiritual being. Just like every other sack of meat in this room, I am not a body with a soul, but a soul with a body, and the wondrous beauty of the Gospel is that God has given me His Spirit to have power over Sergio. I do not submit to my flesh, but to the Spirit of God inside me. In my flesh, I’m insecure. In Christ, I am secure. In my flesh, I doubt. In Christ, I’m certain. In my flesh I am a failure and a quitter. In Christ, I can’t fail and won’t quit because He won’t quit.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:6
