My chest hurts. I’m not sure if this is a normal “brought this on myself with that large Chic-Fil-A sweet tea and sandwich; chest pain,” a “I hope I will be able to pay my bills and eventually raise all the money for the World Race; stress,” or a “my good friend from high school just died in a fiery hit-and-run that burned so hot, that officers couldn’t read the VINs or license plates of either car; stress.” I tend to think the majority of the pain is coming from the latter two, being exacerbated by the caffeine and sugar in the tea. It should wear off.
Whatever the case, I hate this. Add in the fact that I keep making stupid decisions (see a recent Facebook post for evidence) where I simply don’t think about the potential catastrophic outcomes of my actions until I’m berated for my “lack of judgement,” and you’ve got a recipe for depression.
It hurts that we berate each other. It hurts that we, Christians, try to be the Holy Spirit in that we try to convict other people of sin that they either already know is wrong and are moving on through it, or that they still haven’t encountered God with. If someone makes a stupid decision, as I so often do, it really does help to tell them why it was a dumb thing to do, but what isn’t helpful is trying to drive the point home by yelling and putting them down.
I watch, helpless, as we, the American Church yell about how evil abortion or homosexuality are, but tend to ignore banks taking advantage of people and the fact that forests are disappearing in record numbers. It hurts that we (I) are such hypocrites. God made us as stewards of the Earth, not consciences of our neighbors. I’m not saying that abortion and homosexuality are not sin, because they are. I’m simply trying to wrap my head around why we try to do the job of the Holy Spirit to convict and not the job of the Christian to love people.
Stephen pleaded with the Sanhedrin to see that they were persecuting God’s people and blaspheming the Son of God, but it wasn’t until a couple chapters later, that Saul was converted on the road to Damascus. Fun fact about the conversion of Saul: it wasn’t because of Stephen shaming him before they murdered him. It wasn’t even Stephen wholeheartedly forgiving them for killing him! The only thing that cause Saul to turn from his wicked ways was a literal encounter with God.
When tried for an answer to the question “What is the greatest commandment?” Jesus didn’t say, “Oh, thank goodness you asked! Make sure you constantly remind everyone else how terrible of sinners they are!” His answer was simple, yet had resounding implications: “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
As Christians, Jesus told us to love people. That’s our job. It’s not our job to judge someone’s intentions or sins. It’s our job to love. I pray that the love would be my first reaction. I pray that my heart would hurt for what breaks God’s and not just my own fearful interests. That my heart wouldn’t hurt purely out of sadness for my friend who died, but that it would break my heart that every single day, people die without knowing the amount of love and care that their God has for them.
I pray that the hearts of Christians would be broken for people who don’t know the love of Christ, and rather than try to convict nonbelievers into faith, would be moved to love so extremely that people want to know why we suffer well, finding Christ, the answer. I pray that we (I) would continue to look to Christ the founder and finisher of our faith to comfort us (me) in times of fear, loss, and brokenness such as these.
