About a year ago I received the best birthday gift ever, a trip to the emergency room. For my birthday my friend Aragorn and myself decided to take a little climbing trip. As I started off my first lead climb of the day I had an unfortunate fall. About two moves from the top I blew off and fell a good distance thrashing my ankle on the rock. Let me tell ya, spending a few hours in the ER isn’t the best way to spend a B-Day.
A few months earlier I had signed up with Aim to take a Amazon jungle trip for the summer. I remember sitting on the bed waiting for the X-Rays asking God if this was a sign not to go. “Is it broken?” “Will I be able to go?” Thank the Lord I had just sprained it and after four weeks of therapy I was ready for the jungle. The Lord had revealed so much about placing trust in him at training and on the trip, which is where I made the decision to come on the race.
Going home and revisiting old friends I had an urge to jump back on some rock. Though I had a good time I still couldn’t get that fall out of my mind. It effected my climbing and was ingrained in my mind. The fear of falling again kept me from truly engaging in the climb. It was now such a mental game and I was afraid of lead climbing. What I had grown to love for the past three years had now become something I feared.
This past week a few of us decided to take advantage of this beautiful mountain terrain and take a climbing trip in the Andes. Getting back on the rock felt good but I battled the mental game still of the fall. As we wormed up with a few top rope climbs Eric asked if I was ready to lead. As my stomach dropped I reluctantly said yes. I scanned the rock looking for every feature I could dig my fingers into. Looking for every possible solution, piecing a puzzle together in my head, I made sure I wasn’t going to fall.
As I tied in and geared up I began my accent. One bolt, two bolt 15, 20, 30 feet I stared at the fourth bolt and seeing my potential sticky situation my heart began to race. I took a flash back and mentally battled my fears. “I can’t fall, I won’t fall.” I eyed the thing for what seemed hours. Mustering up everything I had I started off. I’ve heard a warrior has two battles. He must mentally wrestle his lost battles and prepare for the battle at hand. Muscles cramped holding on just one move from the next bolt my worst fear happened. I fell. I fell 12 feet. As I dangled there, adrenalin pumping, I felt so relieved. I felt free. I felt alive. I scaled up the rest of the way with the fall behind me. I didn’t even think about falling. What had taken me forever now took me a few minutes. As I reached the top and clipped in I couldn’t believe what I had been missing due to my fear.
Sometimes I feel we as Christians are too afraid to fall. Were too afraid that were going to make mistakes or the same mistakes and never step out of the boat because it’s hard and awakens fear. We focus to much on the fall and not on the goal. We take our eyes off Christ and place them on the waves. I’m learning I must fall before I go on. Our father allows us to fall so that he may increase our faith in him, so that we look for his hand to pick us up dust us off and say well done my good and faithful servant. I am living an adventure of a lifetime and getting to know this God of mine.
