So I’ve had
way too much time to think and process things lately. I’ve noticed the change
that my heart has endured, my self-being, my motivation, and purpose. I’ve
never felt so much emotion, so much “flip-flop” in my life; it’s
almost too much to bear. I’ve watched as my heart broke over, and over, and
over again. And now, the enemy is trying to get me while I’m down and hit me
where it hurts, especially now that I’ve been fasting. For the first time in a
very long time, I’ve experienced something I hoped to have never faced on this
trip: home sickness. I tried to deny it, but there’s been so much going on, I
can’t help but to think of the people in my life back at home who have brought
me up and help me on my journey through life. So I decided, one afternoon in
the coffee shop we normally go to, I would write down a blog to my brothers and
sisters here and back home, and tell them how much they truly mean to me (trust
me, I had the hardest time not crying while writing/posting this, but I feel at
peace now, strength renewed). And this is what I wrote:
To my
brothers and sisters:
I have
looked at the past month and a half with awe and astonishment just how far I’ve
come. I feel as if a new being has been growing inside me, that I am just
starting to burst out of a cocoon into a whole new state of metamorphosis. But
I took a deep look back on how I got to be this way, this new transformation, a
turn of heart, and I say to you it was no easy task. It was a lot of struggle,
pain, sweat and blood to get where I am. But more importantly it took the
wisdom, knowledge, teachings, and true love of some very special people: my
brothers and sisters.
This is for
the ones back at home that ministered to me without knowing, the ones who took
me in when I was hurt, down and out. This is to my beloved brothers who pushed
a new sense of man, a fiery courage, growing confidence, and self worth. This
is for my beautiful sisters who taught me how to be gentle, to be tender,
passionate, and taught me self control.
This is for
the ones back at home, patiently awaiting my return. They NEVER DOUBT, NOR
FEAR. They left me with joy and gladness, only to see me again in such a
celebration never been seen before. They stood by my side, through thick and
thin. They encouraged me when I was strong, and carried me when I was weak.
This is to
my brothers and sisters in the field with me that have taken a daring and
adventurous step in their lives and faith, and are sharing the experience, the
change, brokenness, and the dependency for God with me. Oh what a great
community to prosper in! I have been ever so welcomed and honored to be in the
presence of such incredible men and women of God. I thank God EVERYDAY for such
the blessing and gift of having you all here together.
This is for
my brothers in blood, who I have been surrounded with all my life, that I have
pushed and pulled with, I have danced and mourned with, that I have experienced
some of the best moments in my life with. My brothers that I hope to see later
in life with families of their own, growing, and coming together in unity.
This is to
my brothers and sisters not of blood, but run through me just the same. The
ones whose moments I shared with I cannot count in hundreds nor thousands. I
cannot express how great my joy and happiness being with you all. It is too
great to comprehend. And to measure the bonds we have is the unthinkable! I
feel like I’ve known you, each and everyone, telling your story from beginning,
and praying for possible futures that may come. Oh how I wish only the best for
you, that you may be blessed far beyond your possible and impossible dreams,
that God grant you the greatest of things for how well you have all treated me.
Finally, my
wise and brave brothers, my captivating and wonderful sisters. I want you to
know that each one of you has such a great place in my heart. I can tell so
many stories about you all, and how you’ve affected my life. You have each
taken a huge part in my life and my story of becoming a true man of God.
Needless to say, I could never call you just friends, for that would never
bring enough honor and respect that I have for you. I tell you this: YOU ARE
FAMILY. You will forever be united as one with my heart, and I desperately look
to God to tell Him what a perfect family I have.
I wish
nothing more than to be with all of you, and it is unfathomable to think living
without you. Once again, I wish the best for you, Godspeed, and God bless. I
love you more that you could ever know.
