In the metropolis of Cambodia, I’ve come in like a child not knowing the world. There has been times of thanksgiving, and times sacrifice. There has been times of silence, and times of celebration. This month has got me in a whirlwind of intense emotion, thought, and prayer. I’ve noticed how much I definitely need to depend on God, especially for the little things.
This month our team has been working with a ministry called Kaleb, teaching english to kids and a midwife class, Matthew and I have been teaching guitar lessons, and at night we’ve been going to work with some street kids. At first, I was overwhelmed by how accomadating things have been for us. We’ve had a nice place to sleep at night, easy transportation, not to mention how blessed we’ve been with our food situation. But of course, looks are deceiving. It’s been a hard life playing guitar with my student, supporting other ministries by getting $5 foot massages (to a program that gets kids off the streets), and supporting local fair trade shops by buying iced coffee. This doesn’t even include the time spent, and the grueling work of playing Uno, painting, and soon to be swimming with the children. Oh the agony!
Of course, I only joke, because this month the hard part wasn’t the work we did with our minstry sites. The adventure was in my own heart, a needed change. I was blessed this month with God opening up to me, fixing my past, creating a new image in me. Last month I thought God had revealed himself to me who I was supposed to be. That was just a taste. I’ve went through such a heart change, it was starting to physically hurt. The best part, I only had to do one thing; be obedient.
As I was a kid, I went through Boy Scouts, later on becoming an Eagle Scout. I was learning so many valuable lessons, clearly being a huge part of my life, but one significant part clearly sticks out. The scout law:
“A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.”
Now for me, most of these characteristics come quite naturally. Obedience however, every human fails at some point. But I came to a realization this month dealing with obedience. Yes, we do fail. But what we do before we fail is not in vain. We strive for perfection, especially in our Father’s eyes, and we try to do our best. But at some point we slip. But what obedience is, is not trying hard, then giving up with our tails between our legs. We continually throw ourselves out there, to get back up after each fall. We give ourselves up, becoming completely and totally vulnerable. We push through the struggles and challenges of our lives with our heads high with one goal in mind: to obey.
And what happens after we obey? Reward beyond our wildest dreams. We almost forget that every time we do screw up, Jesus already paid the cost of our sins, our disobedience to God. He washed it away, so we can have life, living eternally with God. I watched as my struggles through fasting for four days kept building up. Home-sickness, impatience, disbelief, and the simple temptation of hunger. The devil was knocking at my door, trying to push me into a world I could not return from…but it doesn’t matter. Jesus stopped that. He SAVED me, and there is nothing that can seperate the love God has for me, and the love I have for Him.
My rewards? I’ve gotten a new fire built up in me. A righteous anger, but a clear mind. A new direction, with my past swept clean. The dirt was rubbed off last month, but now some fine polishing has been in the works. My passion for helping these people have never been stronger. My calling for missionary work has never been clearer and now, with a little help from my teammates and my squad leaders, I face something new on the rise that God has made clear in my heart through vision, His word, and prayer….but I’ll save that one for another blog 🙂
