Wow, it’s been a long month. Month 9 almost over, 2 more to go…then home. Working at a home for orphans with disabilities has been one of the more challenging, but definitely most rewarding month so far on the race. We’ve gotten to play and love on kids that can’t walk, talk, see, or even move. Most people in India would view these kids as cursed. I view them as blessed and beautiful.
Now, aside from the playing, the crying, changing diapers, giving water, and even changing catheters, it’s been a pretty intense month for myself as well. Now being physically tired is one thing, but being emotionally/spiritually tired is another. I can’t believe how just flat out tired I got. And I noticed it started to creep inside not only me, but our teams as well, not 3 days after we got to Ongole.
I started off the month feeling sick, and after having a “lovely” trip to check out what’s going wrong, and doing bloodwork…we still didn’t figure out what was wrong. But I figured that we had just gotten sick from the kids at the home, since a lot of them were having flu-ish symptoms. And then I noticed something else was there. A stitch in my side. It started small, but then it grew bigger, and bigger.
If there’s anything that Satan loves to do with me is bring up my past and use it against me. To try and have me feel regret, to keep me in fear, to try and keep me in the palms of his hands like a puppet. And of course, he always starts small. I noticed that he was trying to poke at me. One poke after another.
Poke,
Poke,
Poke.
At first it got annoying….
….and then it started to hurt.
After a week of pure annoyance, the enemy decided to jab a shank into my side. I started to see problems arise with family members, friends, and whatever that was back in good old Minnesota. I started to see friends slip away, having so many problems of their own. I found out my grandmother had gotten hit by a truck, which was a lovely wake-up call (she’s okay now, no worries!). And on top of that, Satan STILL trying to poke and prod at me, only harder and deeper with my past.
On top of that, I find out that I got accepted to G42 leadership academy. Now I was thrilled to hear that I got accepted, and it’s all in God’s plan. But Satan, of course, was there right behind me, trying to whisper into my ear:
“What about your family? What about your friends? They’re not going to care, they’re not going to accept you, and they won’t support you. You’re going to be on your own. Alone. You’re going to crawl back in the hole where you started, and there’s nothing that you can do about it.”
…Oh really?
An old wise man once told me a little something along the lines of this:
“I don’t get mad. I don’t get even. I do one better.”
So, in spite of all the nasty cold things the enemy has tried to foolishly throw at me, I’m not going to get mad. And I’m most certainly not going to get even. I’m going to do one better. Here’s the thing though, this isn’t just retaliation. I know better than that. I love God. I love my Father with my whole heart, and I trust Him. He brought me out of the depths of Hell, and I ain’t going back. My past is what it is: the past. It’s something I’ve let go and have now looked forward with Christ as my goal. My family and friends back at home I know God has protected, and His will be done. And as for support, I know that I’m not alone. Even if not a single person on this planet wouldn’t want me to head to G42, I’ve still got God. I mean, it was His idea in the first place. I’m not going to give up what God has for me. I’m not going to lose sight of what God wants me to do. I’m not going to let Satan get to me. I’m a new creation, a new person in Christ, and I’m not letting anything get in the way between me and God. I’m done living the life I used to. It’s exactly what it is: the past.
But after all is said and done, what do I do next? What’s the one up?….I guess you’ll have to check out the next blog to find out!
