Hello everyone!! Sorry for my lack of blogging and sharing all that God is doing here in India. I really don’t have a good explanation for it… but I’m writing right now and I’m pretty excited about it. I want to be more vulnerable in this blog and write about what God is doing in me but first, I should update you on what He has been doing in India.
These past two months have literally flown by here in India! We are working with the Evangelical Free Church of India (EFCI) and its been such a privilege. We go from village to village almost everyday and have worship services with all sorts of different people. We get to encourage our fellow sisters and brothers in Christ to persevere through their sufferings and trials. We get to pray over everyone and their mothers here and we witness to God’s miracles at least weekly. Because of our skin color we get to go into villages that are strictly Hindu and show them Jesus’s transforming love. Being in India, God gave me a whole new perspective on what the body of Christ is. Ive stood in the middle of indian families living rooms.. which is also their bedroom, kitchen, and where they have church. My favorite was this one remote village of about 20 families. All the houses were made out of straw and bamboo and they were in the middle of constructing their church. It was so humbling for me to watch as the children, the parents, and their parents put in work day after day to build this building to worship God in. The best part is that the whole village was so proud because it was the first and only concrete building in the whole village and they dedicated it to their Savior. They have showed me how to give out of my own lack. They have showed me that a church is so much more than a building. They have showed me that this life is not about us or our comfortability but all about Him.
I have experienced so much peace here even though its not a very peaceful country. Because of our lack of wifi, I’ve picked up a few new hobbies… painting, yoga, reading, and chess. I even got a job offer to come back and teach english at a high school here in Northeast India (don’t worry mom and dad, I’m not seriously considering it). We live pretty simply out here.. or extravagantly simple as my beloved friend, Alyssa, would say. Out door bucket showers, squatty potties, and tenting. Sometimes I love it, sometimes not so much 🙂 Okay now onto what I really wanted to share in this blog..
These past couple weeks, I have had some of the lowest points on the race. Ive realized im not as comfortable with change as I thought. Going to a new village, with a new host, and a whole new team was a lot of change. Instead of leaning on God as my only constant, I pushed Him away and went into self-destruction. The devil was feeding me so many lies about my worth, my purpose, and my identity. It really really sucked. I was so hard on myself for not being intentional with my new team, with God, and with just everyday life. I went from month one of India, taking everyday, living it with purpose and living in full communion with God… to these past couple weeks of just surviving and getting through the days, letting life happen to me. One day I found myself thinking.. “if I just go outside, listen to worship, paint, and read the bible. Everything will be better and I will get myself out of this pit.” Then God did this thing He does so often and just started knocking on my little noggin and said, “Chloe, I am God, I am your Father, I am your friend, and I am your savior. Why don’t you come to me, I miss you! If you would just ask me to pull you out of this, I would. Stop relying on your own abilities and making yourself your own God. Where you are weak I am Strong”.
So I asked and He did. I really realized how unsatisfied I am without being in full communion with God. Nothing can truly satisfy me… not money, not partying, not boys, not social media, not even friends. Nothing of this world. I need Him more than my own breathe.
Then, I asked God to then take me on a journey with Him… you see God is much more than just my God… He is my friend, my father, and my savior. When I go to Him as my friend.. we just swing back and forth on the swings and we talk about life. When I go to Him as my savior, I kneel at the feet of Jesus and pour out my devotion and adoration, He takes my hand and pulls me out of the darkness. He is my father… when I am hurting or feeling unworthy I come and sit on His lap, He comforts me, He gives me a home, and tells me He is so pleased with me. Lastly, He is my God… here is where I lay in the grass gazing up at His galaxy, in awe of His righteousness and goodness.
So basically heres where I am at… I am a mess. I am broken. I fall short on a lot of things. I am a war zone for flesh and spirit. I am imperfect. I am way too hard on myself.
But..
He is Good. He is great. He is the creator of the universe. He is the creator of me, his masterpiece. He comes into my mess. He liberates me. He gives me a song to sing in the morning and a place to rest my head at night. He is my perfect Father who gives me grace.
When we stare our insecurities and weaknesses right in the face and thats where we truly meet God. Then, we can deeply love ourselves and each other, out of the overflow of Christ’s love for us.. and in the end.. thats all we are really called to do. Extravagantly simple.
