It’s hard to adequately put words down about how I’ve been feeling this past week. In fact, it’s just about every emotion under the sun, and I’m learning that that’s ok. I can be happy, sad, excited, feel like time is going too slow and too fast, and scared; all at the same time.
I suppose this all started within the last two weeks. It’s Summer time, meaning all of my people at home are doing fun things. The weather in Northern Ireland has been suspiciously good and everyday I see people I adore having bbq’s at the beach, sunbathing in their gardens, taking trips to the North Coast, eating in my favourite outdoor restaurants and going on holidays to some of my favourite spots. I adore seeing the people I love happy, but honestly it has been harder than I thought seeing them enjoy Summer, with me being so far away. It’s strange, because I’m aware some people reading this may think I’m on a year long holiday and wonder what I’m talking about. This life is incredible, but on the daily it is hard and exhausting, both emotionally and physically. This past month in India we were pretty much always “on call” with the phone unexpectedly ringing for a job to do at any time of the day. It was a wonderful month, but honestly as I lay sweating in the 43 degree heat and preparing for ministry, I couldn’t help but have a pang of jealousy when I seen people sipping sangria in my favourite holiday destination. First world problems, believe me I KNOW this as a type it, but it has been weighing on me so heavily the past few weeks and I felt like I just had to write it down. I suppose I just can’t wait to join them next Summer and do some ‘normal’ things again.
Let me contrast all of this though with another heap of emotions that have been with me this month; mainly regarding that time is going so quickly.
It is launch week in Atlanta for the new group of World Racers beginning their 11 month journey. Up to this point, we have been the newbies on the field, and this August we become Month 8 racers while others begin their Month 1. This has brought up an unbelievable amount of emotion for me, that has been completely unexpected. How did we get to month 8 already?
In case you didn’t know, The World Race was an absolute dream of mine for years before I applied. I used to follow every world racer on the field I could find on Instagram and I would scroll through #theworldrace and #11n11 hashtags, imaging one day I could do the same. I would read blogs, watch vlogs and imagine my own life if I ever made it to that point. Now I sit typing this in New Delhi, India as a racer going into Month 8, and I’m not sure how time flew by so quickly. I’ve spent the past 5 months in Asia and I can’t believe in a few days I leave this continent and fly to our last one for the final 4 months. I used to watch vlogs of Thailand and couldn’t wait to walk around the food markets, and now that was me 3 months ago. I don’t know where the time has gone, and as I think back to the countries I’ve been to I miss them all fiercely and already cannot wait to go back to some of them.
I can’t tell you how conflicting all of this is with the other side of my heart, which cannot wait to get home to my family and my fiancé and my incredible friends and not having to pack up my bag every few weeks. I get to go home and plan my wedding! But I can now recognise this season as one that is finite; and perhaps that’s the very reason why I’m holding on to it so tightly.
To the racers heading out onto Month 1;
There will be days when this 11 months feels like it will never end, there will be days you will cry until you are weak at the things around you, your heart will break over and over again, you will miss your people everyday. There will also be days, like my today, where you will cling onto every single memory of the days before, you will want to rewind the clock and do it again, you will cherish every minute with the friends around you who have now become family, you will laugh until your sides hurt and you will cry when you think it will come to and end sooner that you know.
I have no neatly wrapped conclusion to this blog, I just needed to write down how I felt, even though it is absolutely all over the place. I just hope it helps someone else feeling the same, or maybe just helps you understand me a little bit more.
Goodbye Asia; you have been everything I hoped for and more. We are ready for you Central America, don’t slip by too fast.
Love,
Chloe
