It’s not about the money.
I always make everything about the money. Which is kinda funny since I’ve been so focused on relaxing and NOT caring about money for YEARS now. I just care too much about it, and I wana stop caring altogether. There’s such freedom to be found in abundant living.
It’s a journey.
I’m out here living the best life ever! I’m fulfilling my dream of seeing the world, and while I do it, I get to serve God in missions as I go.
As I travel, there is a certain desire to do all the things, buy all the things, and go all the places. lt ALL costs money. Granted, the price of ANYTHING in Asia is incredibly cheap, and entirely different, compared to back home. Nonetheless, I’m needing to budget and choose like never before.
I had a bit of a fundraising scare for a while there, and realized that I could actually go home at any time now. It really altered how I look at life on the race. What if this is my last day on the race? What if I suddenly had to go home? Heck, what if I died? Would I really regret the price of that smoothie on a hot day?
I want to commemorate my journey with souvenirs, and I want to bring little pieces of my journey back to my loved ones. I want to ‘live it up’ a little, because I might never be here again. I want to spend that extra $1 to get myself a juicy burger for lunch. (For the record, a meal at Burger King is about $2 here. #Iloveasia)
I was recently reprimanded by somebody on how the way I spend my money out here, might look bad to my supporters back home. I took this the wrong way and now feel fearful of every potential purchase I encounter and wonder how it will ‘look’ to everyone back home; being on a mission trip and all… Not the best way to go through life.
And then God started to show me something. He’s been showing me how He can provide from OUTSIDE my view. I think I have to spend extra money for the extra cool things. Then He gives it to me as a gift.
My team has been greatly enjoying our nearby Subway all month, but were a bit limited in how often we could go there due to cost. So God sends us a total stranger who hooks us up with vouchers.
Some of us were DYING to see the new Hunger Games movie, so the same stranger, not only drives us there and buys our tickets, but he treats us to Starbucks while he’s at it.
We’ve all been pretty limited to cheaper foods and restaurants for the last 5 months. And then the board of the Catholic home we are staying at takes us all to a 5-star buffet where we enjoy all-you-can-eat of the BEST food any of us have ever had.
Food budget was tight in this location and the occasional ‘treat’ became hard to afford. And then one of the sisters here started spoiling us by bringing us all sorts of chocolate, coffee, and treats.
Then that fear of how it ‘looks’ starts kicking in. What if a donor hears me talking about that amazing lobster I ate at a 5-star buffet, and they don’t know it was a gift? What if they think I’m misusing funds and don’t donate because of that? Or regret a donation made. All without realizing that it is through all of YOU that He provides so well?
It’s the most beautiful thing! He provides SO WELL! All. The. Time! But He doesn’t just drop it out of the sky. He uses it to build relationships; He uses it as a way to graciously give and receive generosity. I didn’t pay for that lobster. He did; through His people. It’s an amazing harmony. And oh how He longs to shower us with blessings! Even when I spend money, I build relationship, however brief it may be, with whoever it is I’m doing business with. I’ve been losing sight of all that lately.
Caring about what people will ‘see’ when they hear the stories and look at the pictures is beyond me. I can only hope that every person in the world will read this blog and ‘get it.’ haha.
I still face fear of judgement around every corner. It’s a big deal for me. Case in point: I just wrote this entire blog in hopes of reaching people in a way that might help still their potential judgement of what they might see me doing. See how that works?
But God is showing me the truth. And He’s ever so patient. I find myself getting more and more excited to see what awesomeness He’ll bless me with, and in what surprising way it will arrive. I want to believe in His endless blessings again and refuse to allow that fear of judgement to trump what God desires to do through His people. That’s the good life 😉
