Today, I feel very human and very weak.
Because I disobeyed God.
Now, normally, we think of this as someone overtly sinned, hurt someone, or did something just plain morally wrong. But rarely do we think about sins of omissions, or rather, Jesus tells us to do something, and we just don't do it.
So here's the backdrop. This morning, I went out to go to a nearby park to sit on a bench and spend some alone time with my Papa. After sitting there and journaling in the cold for a while, the Lord brought me to a place of asking Him who was on His heart today. Who was He hurting for? A couple of people came to mind, but then He focused my vision on a man at the nearby playground who was with his child.
The Lord told me to say something very simple to the man. Just to go up to him and say, "Jesus loves you. And He just wants to be in a relationship with you and know your heart."
That's it. So simple.
But I couldn't do it. It would be weird. What if he didn't speak English? What would the other people around him think? What if he became mad at me? These aren't excuses; merely, thoughts running through my head. My flesh was fighting against me so much. So I sat, for a long time, wrestling with God. I even got up a couple of times, walking nearby, hoping to see an open opportunity, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't tell God, "no," but my actions didn't say, "Yes" either.
Now, here's why I'm telling you this. I don't actually feel condemned right now. I know that Jesus' love for me NEVER changes. He has so much forgiveness for me, and His mercy is there for me. But that doesn't mean that my faith was built up today. It doesn't mean that I'm exempt from consequences. Because, realistically, our effectiveness as sons and daughters in His kingdom is directly related to the loudness of our "YES!" our obedience to Him.
So I missed out on an opportunity to show the Lord that I can be responsible with small things. That man, may have so desperately needed to hear simple words of love today. But I'll never know. Maybe it could have changed his life forever. But I'll never know. It doesn't mean that Jesus won't give me another chance, but it does mean that my impact in the kingdom isn't as large as God wants it to be.
This is the point of my story: I don't want you to make the same mistakes I have. If the Lord tells you to do something, the loudness and immediacy of your "Yes" (obedience) will determine your impact to those around you. And I want you to have as much impact as possible. Usually, the Lord will start out with something small, because He knows where you are in your journey. Don't worry, He will work things out for GOOD when you obey.
What I can say, is that I've learned from this lesson today. And I may have messed up, but I won't say "no" to Jesus again.
Will you say "Yes" with me?
