There are two words in the English language I dread more than anything in the entire world: public speaking. So when I found out that I was going to have to share my testimony in front of a group of people it was like a sickness took over my body.
I felt my pulse start to quicken…
The heat started pouring into my face…
Tears started pricking the corner of my eyes…
Red splotches started covering my chest…
And that was just the beginning. Let me preface by saying whenever I am forced to speak in front of people it.is.terrible (no dramatization people). I stumble over whatever it is I have prepared, speaking faster than an auctioneer, all the while trying to focus on just breathing. At least I had time to prepare my words; time to mull over just exactly what it is I want to say…making sure its perfect beforehand. Wrong. I made the mistake one day of telling our ministry contact, Gracie, how I LOATHE speaking in front of people. I mean I went on for a good few minutes explaining how fearful I am of it and how I literally turn into a tomato when I am obligated to do it. You’re probably thinking I am being a bit dramatic right now, but let me just tell you that I get so nervous that I literally break out in a rash. My nickname is Rashanne. Seriously. So when her response was “tell me your testimony right now” naturally I just stared at her.
I mean RIGHT NOW?
Are you sure?
In front of all of these people?
In depth?
EVERYTHING?
She, of course, ignored my 20 questions game and repeated herself “tell me your testimony right now.” Before two sentences are even out of my mouth tears are pouring down my face. I look over at her and tears are coming out of her eyes too. I have absolutely no idea what words even came out of my mouth, if it even made sense, if it was even in English. What I do know is that by the end of it I’m crying, Gracie’s crying, my team leader is crying, girls on my team are crying, because we realized that what just happened had absolutely nothing to do with public speaking. It had to do with freedom. Freedom from perfection. Freedom from thinking my words don’t have authority. Freedom from thinking I have to plan everything out before I say it to make sure it’s perfect. Freedom from my past. Freedom from fear. Freedom.
What's even more amazing is that after my jumbled mess of words someone came up to me and thanked me for sharing because it caused her to have a revelation about her own life. WHAT? God can use anyone, at anytime, for anything. A moment that I thought I was literally going to die in caused freedom for myself and for someone else.
"It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free." Galatians 5:1
