“Do you need any help?”
That’s a phrase I’ve been using regularly for as long as I can remember.
My Gran used to affectionately call me “Step and Fetch It” when I stayed at her house because of how often I’d offer to help in any capacity. Whether it meant grabbing the remote or aiding with dinner prep, I wanted to be useful. I needed to be useful. After two weeks at the special needs school here I was at my wits end. The teachers didn’t seem to need my help and half the time it was distracting to play with the kids during class. I could only speak through hugs and smiles. While that felt important, I was frustrated by how little I was helping. I couldn’t speak fluently to them. At the house it was a similar story. I saw a need and had no idea how to help. The girls had their routine and I couldn’t ask the right questions. My words were stripped from me and replaced with complete and total silence most of the day. In short, I felt inútil; useless. When words fail, hand motions typically become universal. So instead of sitting in the corner with my own personal pity party I decided to invent my own kind of language. I asked my teammate how to say “Need help?” in Spanish and I used that phrase every moment I could. I would point and mime my questions and it felt like I was making headway! I was useful again! Unfortunately I was quick to realize that while my tasks were finally getting done, I still didn’t feel impactful. The girls couldn’t remember my name half the time because it isn’t normal in any language and the children didn’t see me frequently enough to remember my name either. I was back to square one. That’s when I heard the Lord ask me a familiar question; “Need help?”
My answer was a really big, all capital letters YES. The heavy, huge weight of feeling unimportant and not impactful can be soul crushing. It suffocates us and feeds us the lie that we do not matter. That lie is the complete opposite of what the Father says and I promise you that it comes from the enemy. When we begin to believe the lie we do become useless. We no longer see ourselves as visionaries and game-changers. We stop trying to make an impact for the Kingdom because we no longer see the point. It’s a sneaky and dirty tactic that the enemy has employed since the dawn of mankind.
My reply was something like this:
“Yes Lord, I do need your help here.. I’ve forgotten who I am. I don’t know why I’m here and I’m out of chips to cash in. Please help me to see your truth.” That prayer was both humbling and relieving. The Father took me on a tour of all the times I’ve made a difference in his kingdom. He showed me how much more I have left to offer and how necessary I am in his plan. Sure, somebody else could do a more efficient job. I’m sure that if my name were easier to remember then I might get called by my name more often. But at the end of the day those things fall away. The only thing that remains is the truth when you strip away the lies. The truth that Mordecai spoke to Esther in Esther 4. The truth that the psalmist writes in Psalm 139:14. The truth that Christ lived out when he paid the ultimate price for us on Calvary. We are loved. We are needed. We are all placed in our roles for a reason.
If you’re walking through a similar season of feeling useless then I encourage you to take the Lord up on his offer. He’s holding out his hand to help you off the ground. All you have to do is take hold.
School is out for the summer (Below the equator means summer officially starts in November) so I’m no longer working at the school. Instead our ministry will be more concentrated on the needs of Casa Esperanza and the girls residing here. I’m encouraged by the friendships we’re making here and I feel the Holy Spirit moving in every little interaction we have. Thank you so much for your continuing prayers and support! My teammates are still not all fully funded so if you’re looking to give a donation this holiday season, please click on the beautiful faces in the sidebar under “Meet My Team!”
