There are so many things to call this time right now. But Im going to stick with:
The Beginning of the End
I keep thinking about my life coming up with the race, and I think
“when is it going to begin?! January is SO far away.” But the reality
is that life has to keep going so I can get to that point. I tend to
skip ahead and think about all the exciting stuff: training camp,
meeting my squad, having my world rocked by the creator, and embarking on this crazy adventure for a year. In 4 short months, the adventure really begins… It should really be
called the Beginning of the End that brings a New Beginning. January is
my new beginning. I feel like I’m putting everything in that basket,
waiting for it to start.
“when is it going to begin?! January is SO far away.” But the reality
is that life has to keep going so I can get to that point. I tend to
skip ahead and think about all the exciting stuff: training camp,
meeting my squad, having my world rocked by the creator, and embarking on this crazy adventure for a year. In 4 short months, the adventure really begins… It should really be
called the Beginning of the End that brings a New Beginning. January is
my new beginning. I feel like I’m putting everything in that basket,
waiting for it to start.
There are 5 short days until I end one chapter of my life and move on to the beginning of a LONG new one. I am leaving my community, leaving my home, my comfort and Im going to my other home, my other comfort. What I need to be thinking about is the moment. This moment in which I live right now. I’m trying to not let time slip away through my fingers. But, time here is ending weirdly. I feel so full of things to say, but am finding no words to express it. Saying goodbye to all of the little sisters is so hard, and weird, and sad. I cant imagine saying goodbye to all my my sisters in Christ… that’s going to be even crazier. My heart is heavy, so heavy.
Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. There are a few events that shaped my year at Doulos. Its divided into chunks of time and growth: 1) The I dont know what Im doing and dont know anything about myself phase. 2) The The Lord led me into the desert, sad, loss phase. 3) The coming out of the desert, what just happened, faith phase. 4)The conflict and time is almost over phase. 5)The end is here phase. Im now moving into The time before camp transition to home phase. And then will soon after be in the preparation for the race phase.
All that scatter-brained rambling boils down to an extreme excitement and extreme fear about the race. There is so much to be excited for. There are also so many fears that I have.
I wonder what kind of seasons the Lord will bring me to, what kind of beginnings, middles, and ends I will have on the race. What is God going to do? How is God going to work? What kind of faith will I build? What will my team do to glorify God?
Im reading through Luke, its so awesome and powerful. I leave you with some of my favorites:
Luke 8:25: “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.
Luke 10:2-3: He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go!”
Luke 12: 48: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
As much as Im looking forward to the future, some of my heart will always belong in the past.
