My Worst Nightmare Came True

One week ago, my worst nightmare came true.
 
I logged onto the internet after being absent from it for over a week and discovered that someone I love had been involved in a serious accident. My three-year-old nephew had almost died. And I had been unaware.
 
I will preface everything by saying that by the grace of God and His miraculous power, my nephew, Amir, is alive and well and is expected to make a full recovery.
 
I am so thankful.
 
Yet, I cannot adequately express how this week has been for me.
 
I cannot describe the feeling of finding out what had happened—the helplessness of being a continent apart, of learning about it days after it happened, of not even being able to intercede in prayer on his behalf in the precarious moments. My heart hurts.  I have felt numb, helpless, broken, lost, thankful, overwhelmed. I am weary from wrestling with the Lord. I have walked (and, in many ways, am still) passing through the waters and walking through the fire.
 
To be honest, I did not want to stay on the Race.
 
The idea of not being there with and for my family has been heartbreaking. I came on the Race knowing that I was sacrificing beautiful things—quality time with loved ones, celebrations, even some pivotal moments in the lives of those around me. I had no concept I would have to sacrifice a tragedy.
 
But, it makes sense. When we take up our crosses to follow Christ, we must leave ALL ELSE behind (Luke 9:57-62). We do not pick and choose what we are willing to sacrifice. He demands it all, because He is worthy of it all.
 
And so, I give it all.
 
The World Race is where the Lord has placed me. And while I long to be home with my family in this time, I know that right here in Ecuador is where the Lord would have me.
 
In this, I am learning what faith really is. I am learning what it means to entrust my family wholly to the Lord’s care—to trust Him and His Word. I thought I knew what trust entails. Now I am learning anew how to fall into His arms, to have Him sustain me when I cannot even stand on my own.
 
I am so grateful for the kindness of the Lord. He miraculously saved and healed my nephew. (Thank You, Jesus). He has given me the courage to continue on, even when my heart longs to be elsewhere. He has provided my family with peace, compassion, love, and an understanding of why I am staying where I am. He has provided a team of wonderful people here with me in Ecuador who is walking alongside me physically throughout this time. And so much more.
 
The Lord God is so good.