As a squad (large team), we are undergoing team changes. We have known about this for a little over a week and today was the big reveal of new small teams. We have spent the last 6 weeks with the whole squad in Nicaragua and Costa Rica. We are leaving for Panama this coming Sunday and we will be split up into different ministry sites of our small teams of 5-6 people. I have been praying that God would put me on a team of people that are willing to be intentional with me, a team of safety where trust is established, and it would be the team that I NEED to be on not necessarily a team of people that I want to be with. To my great surprise I opened up my paper and found out I’m on a team with the three men on our squad (three women and three men to be exact). I stared at the paper and thought there must be some mistake. I can’t be on the boys team! I have no clue how to have guy friends and female friendships are my happy place. I looked around at the all female teams jumping for joy about their new teams and wished I could share in the excitement.
Here is the thing. I honestly don’t trust men. I don’t have a close relationship with my dad, never had a guy friend in my life, and I’ve only dated immature men in past relationships. I told one of the men on my team that I don’t trust men and he looked me in the eye and said, “Well that’s a pretty unfair generalization.” Ouch. It was a truth I needed to hear in that moment and I immediately apologized. I am choosing to trust that I am on the team I need to be on for a reason. God knows me better than I know myself of what I need, not necessarily what I want. I can honestly say I’m genuinely excited to learn from the men on my team. They are amazing and godly men who are pursuing the Lord, fun to be around, and have a passion to build a good community within our team. It would be easy and comfortable for me to be on an all female team, but I am choosing to believe God has amazing things in store for our team. I am excited to see the work that the Lord is going to do in my heart these next few months.
