Hey y’all,
For a while now I have been wondering what to share with you next. The Lord has really put on my heart that I need to be raw and open with you so that He can be glorified.
For the last week I have been reading Through the Eyes of a Lion by Levi Lusko. If you haven’t read it, please do. It has been such an eye opener about how God can use our pain for his power.
I want to share with you all the story of how I got the wind knocked out of me and how God picked me back up.
For the last two years I have been studying theatre at Stephen F. Austin State University. The first fall semester I was there (Fall 2015) was rough. I was in a relationship that wasn’t right for me and I was in such a bad place mentally. However, I had a great support system and my friends Lauren, Kasey, and Kell helped me out of the pit I was in.
Spring 2016 was an amazing journey. I had the opportunity to go to Passion 2016 and there I learned that God just wants to love his kids. I devoted myself to him and did my best to follow where he was telling me to go.
However, Summer 2016 rolled around and I lost sight of what was important. I was at SFA for the Summer Rep the theatre progam does. I didn’t have many friends in the theatre department and all the friends I did have moved back to their hometowns. So I did what any normal person would do; I got a cat.
My cat was amazing, but as we all know, cats can’t talk. I desperately wanted friendship and ended up making friends with the theatre majors who lived next door to me. While they are all wonderful people, we didn’t share the same devotion to the Lord. Instead of being a light, I got washed away.
I ended up in another relationship I knew wasn’t right for me from the beginning. I convinced myself that being with the wrong person was better than being alone. I look back now and wish I had clung to the Lord. I realize now that being alone with the Lord is better than being surrounded by people who don’t know him. I’m not saying it isn’t important to be friends with people who don’t know God, just that we shouldn’t let them influence us.
Anyway, Fall 2016 rolled around and I thought all was fine. I was cast in a show, was the wardrobe master for another show, and was also a costume designer. I thought everything was great; I thought I had found where I was supposed to be.
The semester went by incredibly fast and it just all seemed so overwhelming. There was so much to be done and so little time to do it. Then in November I injured my right and dominate hand. This was a huge blow because I thought I needed it to function.
When the injury happened I was knocked even farther off course. In Spring 2017 I was severely depressed and anxious. I felt so lost and like I had nothing to live for. I hardly left the apartment I was staying in and I didn’t really want to interact with anyone (which is so out of character for me).
Friends, depression is no joke. It hurts. I remember always thinking I wasn’t good enough, and nothing anyone else told me would change that. I spent countless hours crying and trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I hated who I was, but I felt stuck.
By the grace of God the semester ended and I moved back to my hometown. Once I moved home I ended the relationship I was in and begged God to take me back.
What amazes me about the Lord is that he was waiting for me the whole time. It reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son. Luke 15:20-24 says, “And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.”
Almost overnight God turned my situation around. He turned my crying into praise for him. He turned my hurt into joy. I am absolutely certain that God is good, because there is no way I could have gotten out of that situation by myself.
He is using my pain to bring power to his name, and he will do the same for you.
I’ve seen what it’s like to try and do life by myself, and let me tell you friends, it’s impossible. God created us to be with him; our souls long for his embrace. When we try to do life on our own we fall short.
Our lives will always be empty if we don’t have God. We will chase desires of this world and they will leave you with nothing but heartaches. My dear friends, I urge you to seek the Lord and to cling to his goodness. In him there is hope, joy, peace, love, and everlasting life.
I pray that my story would help you get through yours. Please know that no matter what is going on in your life, God is with you. He is our anchor and our rock. Build your foundation on him.
You should also know that no matter what, you are a beautiful and worthy child of the King. He is near friends, we just have to be willing to let him in.
Love,
Chels
P.S. This is my cat Hoss, she is very festive and loves Christmas.
