The glamour of the race has worn off. A couple days ago was our halfway mark. Halfway? It’s kinda unbelievable. I’m stuck in that place of, “Wow, we are already halfway done!!!” and “Uhh, we are only halfway done?” 5 and a half months down, and I feel ready to go home. I say “feel” because I know that I’m not ready, but I feel like I am. I miss home. I miss cold weather. I miss my family. I miss frozen yogurt. I miss getting in my car and going anywhere that I want to. I miss coaching soccer. I miss Abbey (a lot). I miss bumming on a couch, watching tv for the day. I miss getting to wear other clothes besides the same four tshirts that I have. I miss a lot.
Homesickness is real. So I’m just gonna be real. I wanna go home and I’m not exactly sure how to deal with it. I’m in the Word everyday and the Lord is teaching me a lot through intimacy with Him. I’ve seen the Lord work in people’s hearts, including my own. My perspective of the world and the Man that came to save it has completely changed. I am participating in our ministry with everything that I have, overturning rooms at the guesthouse, cleaning the pool, praying, and sharing the Gospel with random strangers in stores and restaurants in the city. I even love being in Asia. I love the culture, the food, and the people. Despite all these things, I still feel off.
So I guess I am writing this to be honest with you all. The race is hard. Good but hard. I want to want to be out in the field. I really do, so I’m gonna keep going. I want the Lord to use me 100% for the remaining 5 and half months, and I don’t want to be distracted by anything else. I want to be present here. I’m tired, but I’m going to trust and obey the Lord with the little that I have to give, knowing he will multiply it. I’m gonna stay to fight for what the Lord already has planned for me the rest of the race. I’m gonna continually ask for His guidance day to day. I’m not gonna let my feelings affect my actions and my mission.
