I need you to know that I am not okay.
I struggle with insecurity.
I always have, even before I knew what it was. I recognize this struggle in my life in many of my earliest memories…in my jealousy of my brother, in my needing to be perfect, in my “despair” from friendships. And still today, as a (somewhat) successful 24-year-old, I struggle with insecurity.
I have a hard time believing that what God says about me is true. That I am wonderfully made. That I am worthy of love. That I am enough. The monster that is insecurity tells me that I am not these things, that I am not wonderfully made or worthy of love or enough. The monster that is insecurity tells me that God and other people feel the same way and that what He and they say isn’t true.
I look across my room and see a painting that says You are Loved. This comes from John 15:9, which says, “As the Father has loved Me (Jesus), I have also loved you. Remain in my love.” Yet, often I don’t hear this. Often, I hear you are too quiet, you are too shy, you are too introverted. You don’t fix your hair or do your make-up. You aren’t dating or married. You can’t write eloquently or paint beautifully or sing like an angel. You aren’t like the girl in your Bible study or your teammate or your co-worker (or whoever).
Because of my struggle with insecurity, I struggle in other areas as well. I struggle in dating relationships and friendships the most. I struggle to connect and communicate. I struggle to lead and be lead. I struggle to let myself be carefree and have fun. I struggle to fail.
I struggle with insecurity. I am not okay. And I have to remind myself that it is okay to not be okay.
It is okay to not be okay, because I serve a God who loves me anyway. I serve a God who is a master artist. I serve a God who’s grace overflows for me (1 Timothy 1:14).
I serve a God who is more than okay, and who gives me what I need to overcome the monster that is insecurity.
Through Him, I can become more than okay.
