So there’s this thing we learn how to do on the World Race called feedback. It can be encouraging or it can be constructive, but the purpose of feedback is to call a person higher. Feedback is not intended to be a negative thing. It is not intended to be harsh or hurtful. It is also not intended to be so soft that it’s barely noticeable. I didn’t understand feedback at the beginning of the Race. I thought making someone give another person feedback in front of the rest of the team was just plain cruel! That’s not how you would give a person feedback at home, so why should we do it that way on the Race???
I did it though. During our allotted time for feedback, I gave encouraging feedback and I gave constructive feedback. And, I won’t lie, it can be super awkward and scary, especially the constructive feedback. It can feel mean, even though that’s not the intent at all. And yes, there have been times when things went badly and my feedback was a fail. I have shared things in front of the team that I should have shared with the person privately. I have shared things in the wrong way using the wrong words.
You know what? I get it now!
After having a conversation recently with another teammate, I realized that the way we are taught to give feedback on the Race is, in a sense, backwards. In most cases in “real life”, you wouldn’t give a person feedback at a specific time during the day or in front of a group of people. Instead, you would probably have a conversation with the person first, try to get a little backstory about the person’s behaviors, and go from there. The extra information helps you to shape the feedback that you give the person. But there’s a reason we learn it that way first. If we didn’t have a set-aside time for feedback with our team each day, no one would probably ever actually give feedback to anyone. It’s not like we all start the Race as best friends who we are 100% comfortable sharing anything with each other. In fact, in the beginning we are complete strangers. Who would willingly give feedback to a complete stranger? I can bet that I wouldn’t have. Instead, I would have let my feelings fester inside of me. I would have harbored resentment towards that person. Each team might have seemed to be harmonious, but it wouldn’t be true harmony. Or maybe everyone would simply explode in anger because they are all holding their feelings inside. If they hadn’t “forced” us to give feedback, most of us wouldn’t have given it. Before the Race, there were times when I wouldn’t give feedback to people because I didn’t want to hurt them or I thought I was the one who needed to change or I was scared of how they would react.
We also wouldn’t have learned how to give or receive feedback well, in a healthy way. When I gave feedback at home it usually was not given well. Often it was through sarcasm or anger, and it was very critical of the person. When I received feedback, I interpreted it as yet another person showing me a way that I’m not good enough or telling me another thing I need to improve about myself. It caused me to get defensive, mainly because I didn’t know how to handle it. It led to depression or increased insecurity or anxiety or a host of other negative feelings. Very rarely did I see it as a positive thing, even if I did see the truth behind the feedback. All that to say, I didn’t know how to give or receive feedback well. By giving feedback in a group, we are able to hear the feedback given to another person, and help the giver know if there is a better way they could have phrased it. We also get to talk with the receiver after the fact and help them receive it well, not as criticism but as a way to become more like Jesus.
In the first few months of the Race, I didn’t truly understand the purpose of the way we did feedback. But finally, in month 11, I can honestly say I get it! It makes sense, and I’m grateful for the way Adventures taught it to us. Am I excited to give it when I return home? I can’t say excited would be the best word to use. But, I am glad that I have learned how to better give a person feedback, and that I have learned how to better receive it as well.
P.S. Feedback is something that I want to make a part of my daily life, but please tell me if it comes across as harsh or doesn’t make sense. I want to continue growing in giving feedback. Also, I want you to give me feedback too!
