I have to admit, I was not very excited about going to Training Camp. I was mostly pretty nervous, and in all honesty I just wanted to skip straight to launch. I wrote in my journal the morning of training camp, and it was a whole lot of what ifs. “What if no one likes me?” “What if I’m too scared to be outgoing?” “What if I’m not as good or as prepared?” “What if I fail the fitness challenge?” If you read my earlier blog, you know I struggle a lot with insecurity and the feeling of “I’m not good enough.” So, I just knew that I wouldn’t be good enough here either.
I rode down to Gainesville, GA with two of my teammates, and from the moment I met them God started blowing me away. Every person I met was so kind! The Adventures in Mission staff were awesome, especially the training team that worked with my squad. And my squad…they are the absolute best! It wasn’t hard to be around them or get to know them or relate to them. I went in knowing that I would be the outsider of V Squad, and I came out with 25 new brothers and sisters!
Training camp was great, but it’s not all fun and games. It’s an intense 10 days full of sessions, worship, physical activity, team building, and simulations. You grow in all areas of life; it is a very holistic time. The growth starts on day 1 and continues until you leave.
I learned so much about God and the Holy Spirit. And I learned so much about myself. The sessions tend to expose things in your life that you thought you had dealt with or pushed aside because they were too painful to walk through. For me, that “I’m not good enough” mentality I had was brought to mind a lot, during two sessions especially. The first was on pain/emotions and the second was on shame. I had been living in shame for most of my life, believing that I was not good and not worthy of love. I realized that I knew the answers. I knew that God made me in His image. I knew that He loved me and died for me. I knew that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, that I was a child of God, that my confidence was in Him. I knew it all in my head… but it had never made it to my heart.
But from day 1, God had started to speak into that shame, even before I knew that’s what He was doing. He began telling me that I am FREE! He made me realize that He has already given me the keys to unlock each of the chains that had been holding me back: insecurity, shame of not being good enough, fear, anxiety, depression. But, it is up to me to unlock them, walk away, and leave them on the ground instead of picking them back up again.
“Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don’t submit again to a yolk of slavery.” –Galations 5:1
So I began speaking God’s freedom over myself.
“Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” –2 Corinthians 3:17
Even when the enemy tells me I’m not, and he will, I have to be willing to fight. I have to speak God’s freedom over myself, whether in a whisper or a shout, because it is true! I am no longer a slave; I am a child of God.
I AM FREE!
