November 15, 2009
Yesterday was a special day. I had started reading through 1 John a few days ago because I wanted to know more about God’s love. I have felt that the Lord has been there, but that his love was distant. My prayers lately have really been that he would show me his love for me and how I could love others with that love. As I began to read in 1 John 4:7, my ipod was playing music about God’s love and I began to cry. He was speaking to my heart. I read a little more and it was just sinking in more and more that God loved me. He sent his son for me. He loves me as I am and there is nothing I can do to earn more love or to lose his love. I stopped reading and took my ipod over to an area overlooking Lake Nicaragua. It was absolutely beautiful. The sun was shining down through the trees, the sky was blue, and the water was vast. I saw how gorgeous his creation was. As I listened to more music about God’s love and beauty I began to weep even more. The Lord was ministering to me.
I saw myself in a beautiful white wedding dress with a veil. My hair was long and loosely curled. I was spinning and dancing around. Free. Peaceful. Joyful. I have had this vision before, but there had never been a groom. I then saw Jesus as my groom. He was wearing his classic “Sunday school felt board” clothing. He was smiling as he stood at the alter. I continued to dance and move around with such joy and peace. This picture made me cry even more. I have been praying to have a more intimate relationship with God. There I was his bride. Wow! I was still distant from him though, but it’s a beginning and such a beautiful picture.
This vision was so special. The Lord has given me a new dream. I had never thought that I deserved to be married. I grew up with a fear that I wouldn’t live a long life and that it would be selfish for me to get married. However, His love casts out all fear. He is showing me that fear, which births control hinders love. I have layered bricks around my heart from such a young age. What once was protection has become a barrier. The Lord is so patient and gracious. He has tenderly been showing me that He wants that wall to come down. Not with a pickax or a jackhammer, but with His living water gently eroding the wall. He is good. He is love. He loves me…and I love Him.
