I don’t typically write these kind of things. But…
Hey,
You told me you’d always be with me. Some days it’s like you never left. But most days, there’s a big empty void. Some days I fear, even though I’m 27 years old, that I forget the sound of your voice. I think of the day you drove me to my nursing boards, and the sound of shock when I told you 30 minutes in that I was done, and you could come pick me up. I think of the day I received my important email, telling me, “pass” on my nursing boards, as you laughed at my minor freak out moment, as I had to talk myself into opening it. Some days it seems like we were just chatting on the phone, or having dinner before my night shift.
As I’ve been traveling this year, I think, “Man, you would’ve loved so many of these places”. I remember climbing Mount Rucu Pichincha, in Ecuador, thinking this is something you would’ve loved to do. I think of some of our longer road trips during family vacations, getting up at the crack of dawn to get the most of a day’s journey. I think of how you would hate the traffic in most of the cities I’ve visited.
My heart aches often. But it’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m well taken care of. I’m not without hope. Sometimes I do have to remind myself of this. I also have to remind myself that you live on through me. I’ll catch myself saying something corny, and think, “Wow that was Dad”. I’m so thankful you’re with our heavenly Father. And the last words I ever said to you, while you were awake, remain true to this day: “I love you. I’ll see you later”.
Love, Chelsea
This letter reminds me of so much of my relationship with my eternal Father too.
Abba,
You tell me you’re always with me. Your name is Immanuel, “God with us”. (Matthew 1:23). And sometimes it’s hard to hear your voice. I think of the day I took my boards, and true I was anxious before and after, but you gave me so much peace during the test. I remember talking to you as I had to have the courage to click on that important email to see if I would be in fact: Chelsea Winn, BSN, RN. I can recall the days when your voice has been so clear. “Chelsea, just pray”. “Chelsea, this world is nothing compared to eternity”. 2 Corinthians 4:18.
As I have traveled this year, you have shown me how much you love me. And how much detail you have put into this world. As I climbed Mount Rucu in Ecaudor, I remember continuously saying, “God, you created this”! I recall having so much rest on travel days, even through the stressful situations.
My heart aches to know you more. I know that comes from you. It’s a good ache. You have given me so much hope. I strive to be like you. Although I don’t always feel that I resemble you, I know you call me to represent your image. And that you are my Father (1 Corinthians 4:15-16).
With love from your daughter, Chelsea
