In 11 weeks I will be thrown out of the wardrobe, having lived a lifetime in Narnia, forgetting what home even looks like. I will be thrown into a place where time really hasn’t passed, things really are the same, but I know even if I don’t look like a lifetime has passed, it has. The lessons that I have had to walk through, the pain I have seen in eyes of a 3 year old, and the face of Aslan will never leave my mind. I will never forget Narnia, and I will never forget how much time really did pass when I was gone. I may realize I don’t fit in, or maybe I never did to begin with, that’s why I stumbled into the wardrobe in the first place.
My mind in this point in time cannot grasp the idea of going home. We got a packet at debrief that is a guideline to help you process your time on the race and what things you need to prepare yourself for when you get home. I tried going through said packet and began to cry, I have yet to retry the process. The race has given me a family, a group of 55 people who have loved me deeper because of The Father, a group of people that have lived these 11 months with me, they know the brokenness, and they know the joy. I love my home, and I love the people that reside in my home. But now I have 55 more people that hold a piece of me that I can now never get back. I’m leaving behind something that has wrecked my whole entire being. It isn’t just 11 months, it really is a lifetime. My team jokes about how we have aged at least 4 years on this trip. My heart, soul, and mind have been changed, something inside of me flipped.
God has taken me through the hardest process of my life and I have come out a different person. This process will continue the rest of my life; it won’t stop because I’m walking into a different season of life in 11 weeks. I’m thankful my Father In heaven has given me a beautiful mother who loves me no matter what, a father who gives up everything for my benefit, a brother who I cannot wait to hug, a sister who is becoming a young adult, beautiful friends who literally accept me at every form, and a church family who has blessed me more than I will ever be able to bless them. Home isn’t a bad place, it isn’t a place that I dread, it’s just something that I don’t know if I fit into anymore, but I do know I always fit into Jesus. Jesus is going home with me, he lived there with me before, he isn’t moving out.
I may be plunged out of the wardrobe, but my adventure isn’t over, it is truly just beginning.
