Lets start this off by saying I suck.
My flesh is so gross.
Sometimes i wish i could just throw it in the fire and let it burn.
Ironically, that is what i would get if this Jesus guy
didnt die for me and become a nasty sick curse for me.
So, there's that.
I'm in the process of getting to know Jesus.
Again.
I think somewhere along the way i forgot that
i need to continue learning about him.
I forgot God isnt some one dimentional character that i
can learn in one sit down of the bible.
Hi, i'm Chelsea and i'm super shallow and annoying.
Why Jesus puts up with me i will never know.
Why he continues to pursue me even after all my prostitution i will ever get.
ever.
I was reading Ezekiel 16 today, thanks to a good friend.
Listen to this shiz.
"On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed
with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in
cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any
of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for one the
day you were born you were despised. Then i passed by and saw you kicking about
in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood i said to you, "Live!" I made you grow
like a plant of the filed. You grew up and devloped and became the most beautiful
of jewels. Your breasts were formed and your hair grew, you were naked and bare.
Later i passed by, and when i looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love,
i spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you
my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord,
and you became mine. I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put
pintments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you.
I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adnorned you with
jewelry: i put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and i put a ring
on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were
adorned with gold and silver; your clothes wer of fine linen and costly fabric and
embroided cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very
beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations
on account of your beauty, beacuase the splendor i had given you made your
beauty perfect, declares the sovereign Lord. But you trusted your beauty and
used your fame to become a prostitue. You lavished your favors on anyone who
passed by and your beauty became his. You took some of your garments to
make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prositution. Such things
should not happen, nor should they ever occur.
So i know this isnt ALL of 16 but you get the jist of it.
This also is about Jerusalem but i can't help but relate to it.
I have this hatred for cheaters. Like, anytime i see cheating or hear
about it i get inraged, i hate it.
But, if i'm honest.
I'm the most unfaithful wife i think there ever has been or ever will be.
Jesus has chosen me, he has pursued me and he gives me
blessing upon blessing. He forgives my selfishness and he
uses me to get through to other people. He loves me
unconditionally and he freakied died for me. Not some wimpy death, either.
He freaking became my sin, took it alllllllll on himself.
(Let me just say, that's a lot of sin, and i have future sin, too)
And here i am running after anything that sparkles.
Oh Hey lust.
Hey, Tobacco.
Hey, pornography.
Hey, white lies.
Hey, huge lies.
Hey, disrespect.
Hey, greed.
Hey, anything but Jesus.
Lke i said earlier.
I freaking suck.
He literally chooses me.
He literally wants me despite how DISGUSTING i am.
He literally has made a commitment with me.
He literally died for me.
This isnt a joke, this isnt a drill, this isnt a scheme.
Everything about me is nasty. nasty. nasty.
I deserve hell, i SOOOOOOO deserve it.
But do i get it?
hell no.
But not because of my bible reading,
or because i'm a virgin
or because i'm nice
or because i want to do missions
or because i dont smoke pot
or because i dont party
or because etc.
I dont get heaven because of anything i choose to morally do.
I get heaven because my gracious, loving, just, sovereign, all knowing God is giving it to me.
JUST HANDING IT OVER.
LIke a freaking present to a spoiled brat who has already complained about
every other gift she's been given.
The depths of hell had my name written right on it. There was a place for me.
Satan had my freaking name on the guest list.
Then the cross happened and i was SAVED.
saved.
saved.
saved.
saved.
saved.
saved.
I DONT GET IT. I DONT GET IT AT ALL.
"so you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son,
God has made you also an heir."
-Galatians 4:7
