I broke while journaling.
I couldn't stop writing.
My heart was overflowing with everything I have been holding onto.
Word vomit on The Lord, if you will.
Scripture was pouring into my head to accompany my own words.
As I was spilling my guts, The Lord spoke to me.
I wrote it, not really understanding but trusting he would explain.
My squad leader told me once that when The father talks to us, he speaks to us intimately.
He tells us things that he ONLY tells us.
I never really thought that happened to me.
I've heard the father speak, trust me, but not things that were intimately just for me.
I prayed that he would.
That in our secret place of intimacy he would call me something beautiful.
This is what The Lord spoke to me while journaling.
His handwriting is in my journal.
"You are filled, my daughter.
I see you and hear your cry.
I know the depths of your soul
and I will cleanse you.
Thank you for seeking me.
I love you, do you know that?
I love you SO much.
You are mine forever.
Even when you seek others,
you are still mine.
Nothing can snatch you from my hand.
I love you, Chelsea.
I love you, Tabitha.
I love you, continue seeking me,
and you will always find me.
I love you."
Do you see the part that caught me off guard,
he called me Tabitha.
When I heard that I stopped writing and questioned it.
I wrote it anyway trusting that he would explain.
I knew Tabitha was a women in the bible but I could not for the life of me figure out what book she was in.
"Jesus, what does this mean?"
"Daughter, seek and you will find"
Trust me, I rolled my eyes.
God is like that teacher that tells you to get a dictionary when you ask how to spell a word.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME.
"At Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha, which is translated Dorcas. This woman was full of good works and charitable deeds which she did. But it happened in those days that she became sick and died. When they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room. And since Lydda was near Joppa, and the disciples had heard that Peter was there, they sent two men to him, imploring him not to delay in coming to them. Then Peter arose and went with them. When he had come, they brought him to the upper room. And all the widows stood by him weeping, showing the tunics and garments which Dorcas had made while she was with them. But Peter put them all out, and knelt down and prayed. And turning to the body he said, �Tabitha, arise.� And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up. Then he gave her his hand and lifted her up; and when he had called the saints and widows, he presented her alive."
-Acts 9:36-41
To say I was freaking out after that would be an understatement.
I was so amazed that Jesus would give me something so relevant and beautiful.
Tabitha died, her flesh was done for.
Peter took all of her friends and family away to heal her.
All he said was simply, "Arise" then giving her his hand he lifted her up.
He presented her alive to her friends and family.
This is exactly what Jesus is doing to me.
I was dead, my sin killed me.
I was focusing on myself.
He needed to separate me from the ones I loved to heal me.
Jesus called me out and said "Tabitha, arise."
He helped me up with the touch of his hand.
He is now presenting me to the world as alive.
My name is Tabitha,
and I'm alive.
