You’ve probably heard the story of “doubting Thomas.” You know, the guy who told the other disciples after they had seen, spoken to, and touched Jesus after He was raised from the dead, that He didn’t believe them. Not only did He NOT believe them, He was so bold as to say “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” Well, I want to tell you that there is no such thing as “doubting Thomas” he is not referred to as that in Scripture. You won’t find it.
But, you WILL find the story of man who had lost the greatest truth and love He had ever known after Jesus was crucified. You will read about a man named Thomas who was broken and devastated. For Thomas, doubting was much easier and less painful than to believe that Jesus may be alive without absolute certainty. Because, to have to walk through that pain again, the pain of loosing Jesus, would be unbearable. If you go and read the story in John 20:19-30, you’ll see that above doubt, Thomas was real about where He was at. You’ll understand that Thomas’ story is much less about His doubting and MUCH more about Jesus’ goodness.
I respect Thomas. I think Thomas’ story is a wonderful example of what Jesus desires with us. Not the doubting part, but the truth that Thomas was unashamed to speak out. Jesus already knows your heart, and He is not afraid of the messiness that lies within it. He knew Thomas’ heart and He was not prevented in revealing Himself to Thomas in a way that Thomas could understand.
When you’re honest with yourself and with Father about the truth and realness of how you feel, no matter how wretched it may seem, Jesus meets you in that place. It’s like He’s just waiting on you to arrive there. I don’t think Thomas would have gotten far if He would’ve said “Ok, sounds great. I love that Jesus is back, even though I haven’t seen Him, it’s ok.” When the truth was that the inside of His heart was wretched with fear, pain, angst, and uncertainty. Jesus’ grace is sufficient for us, His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Jesus’ grace was stronger than Thomas’ doubt. Thomas’ honesty and realness about where his heart was at was actually exactly where Jesus revealed Himself to him.
Not only did Jesus meet Him there, He met Him in the same way He first revealed Himself to the other disciples. He did the same for Thomas as He did for the others. Jesus gave the same message to Thomas as He did the other disciples. He gave Thomas salvation even in His doubting. He met Him the same way as He did the others. Thomas was not disqualified for doubting. You are not disqualified. Now, if that does not show you that this story is much less about Thomas’ doubting and much more about Jesus’ goodness, then I don’t know what will!
Have you ever been in the place that Thomas was? Have you ever experienced such a heart ache that it felt hard to hope? Such tremendous loss that if felt like your heart was ripped from your chest? Or such sorrow that you thought it would be impossible to feel joy again?…..I have. I have felt the agonizing loss of a best friend and had to walk that heartbreak out with Jesus while He stitched me back together again. I’ve been there, and Jesus brought me hope and joy again in the midst of tragedy, just like He did with Thomas. He spoke faith to my doubt, just like He did with Thomas.
What He’s shown me through reading this story is that my life is far less about my bad choices, screw ups, continual sin, faithlessness, etc…But it is FAR more about His goodness to meet me in my doubting, His love that conquers a multitude of sin, and His redemption of all things in my life for His glory and my good.
He didn’t just speak faith to my doubt when one of my best friends died, it wasn’t a one time fix. He has done it over and over again. He has brought me back to the truth of who He is and revealed His heart and great love to me multiple times. He is God of second, and third, and fourth chances.
He has spoken truth and given me faith MANY times throughout this journey of going on the World Race. And, I know that He will prove Himself faithful again and again while I’m gone from January to November. My prayer is that in the times when I am more like Thomas than the ones who believed without seeing, that I remember, and am reminded of, the sacrifice Jesus made and the great love He has for me. I pray that I remember Thomas’ story. I pray that Jesus would reveal the realness of where my heart is and speak His truth to it. My prayer is that I would remember His power is made perfect in my weakness.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss.
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