So, this month my team and I have been living in a village about 10 miles outside of Siem Reap, Cambodia. We have been teaching English at the school where we are staying and visiting surrounding villages and singing songs, doing skits, playing games, and washing hair. Last week after we finished our program for the children in one of the villages we visited some of the families. Honestly, I didn’t want to visit any families. I had to meet some members of another team who were coming to work with us, I had things to do around the school, and basically I just wanted to get home. So, as I am standing in front of an old Cambodian woman surrounded by dirt and chickens and piglets at a loss for words, having really nothing to talk about I realize that I am here for me. I am in Cambodia for me. I am on the World Race for me, for what it can do for me. I want to change, I want to know God more, I want to hear God’s voice, and know His will for my life. I, MY, ME. See, if I were here for God and if I were truly here to be the physical representation of Christ to the nations, then I wouldn’t be standing at a loss for words, I wouldn’t be thinking of how many other things I wanted to be doing right now. I would be loving on this woman and sharing in her story. Whoa, that’s an uncomfortable feeling and realization.
So, the question I find myself now asking is this: What am I going to do about it?
My position as the leader of my team and the responsibilities that come with that are not more important than the ministry of loving the people that I meet every day and loving my team and loving my Jesus. I don’t want to be here for myself, I don’t want my motives to be selfish. I don’t want to simply have a trip of “photo-ops” and never allow the Spirit to move. When I visit families I want to engage them and truly love them with a pure love for no other reason than that Christ died for them and loves them. I want to hear God’s voice and obey without question and without hesitation, without thinking what affect it will have on me or how I will be perceived.
My prayer is this:
“Lord, make my motives pure. Help me to keep my focus on Kingdom things that matter for eternity. Rid me of my selfish desires and motives that keep me from loving others the way that you love them. Give me eyes to see as you see, Jesus. Give me a heart to love as you love. Help me to walk in the power of your Holy Spirit and to be sensitive to your voice, always ready to obey.”
