This one’s about expectations.
I wrote a blog in September 2013 called The Nervous List, in which I told you about the things that scared me most about going on the Race. Seeing as I’ve been on the road for almost ten months, I thought it would be interesting to revisit that list and see what’s happened with those fears. The original list is in blue, and my new comments are in green.
Getting shots
This was the biggest, scariest challenge I faced as I prepared for the Race. In order to even decide to apply, I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d need to go to a travel doctor. I wrote a blog about getting my shots (click here to read it), but here, I’ll say this: shots still freak me out more than they do most people, but I’m not crippled by that fear like I was when I was younger. All those shots didn’t stop me from doing the Race, and I know that they can’t stop me from doing other things in the future.
Meeting my fundraising deadlines
I met every single fundraising deadline and was fully funded with time to spare, thanks to you all. Supporters donated over $1000 beyond the money I needed, which will go to other missionaries, or to any other Adventures in Missions-related programs I may choose to do.
Long, claustrophobic bus and plane rides, on which this taller-than-average girl won’t have legroom
This fear has been thoroughly addressed. I’ve written more blogs than most Racers about travel days and you have probably read about some of our struggles. There have been long, claustrophobic bus and plane rides, and worse. I am now surprised when a bus I’m on reaches its destination on time… or at all. Travel has been hard, very hard. But we got through it all. And we haven’t been in a single accident, even a minor one! My horrific travel day stories are some of my favorite from this year. I hated it when they happened, but I’m so glad to look back on them now. In particular, our exodus from Mozambique (“How to Make an Exit”) has been one of the most powerful and faith-building experiences on my Race. And if you’re interested, here are all my travel blogs, arranged in order from newest to oldest: How to Make an Exit, Not Interesting, Just Bad, Stranded!, Jenda Equality, King Kong Roaches, Travel for Days: El Salvador to Bulgaria, On the Bus
Not being able to lie down to sleep on those long, claustrophobic journeys. I’ve been googling how to sleep sitting up, but haven’t had much help from the internet. The Wikihow is pretty much what you’d expect: http://www.wikihow.com/Sleep-While-Sitting-Up
As good as Wikihow’s advice is, I still can’t sleep sitting up and it’s frustrating. But it doesn’t scare me at all anymore. I’ve learned two things. One: if you don’t get a good night’s sleep, it’s no fun, but it’s not the end of the world. You’ll be fine. Two: the aisle on buses is a bumpy place to spend the night, but you can at least be horizontal.
Living near the Equator. I’m from the Pacific Northwest. I’m good at gentle showers and 70 degree summers. Living in New York for school was hard enough. Now what have I gotten myself into?
C Squad has had a mild route. Before coming to Southeast Asia, which I knew would be a different story, only El Salvador has been unbearably hot. We were in Europe in the spring and it was rainy and mild. We were in Southern Africa in the winter, which was equally pleasant. Southeast Asia is hot, but you get used to it. There are fans here, and a product called Prickly Heat Cooling Powder which I’m constantly making a mess with. But mostly, the way to deal with the heat is to stay hydrated, stop complaining, and embrace the new atmosphere like it’s embracing you.
Getting sick (though that fear has been partially alleviated: see Vomo, -ere, -ui, -itus)
I’ve been relatively healthy this year. Yes, I have random, strange digestive issues about once a month from eating weird things, but for the most part, I’ve been fine. Getting sick is no fun, though. In Zambia I spent an entire day in our host’s house alone with some nasty nausea, and they didn’t have any electricity, so when it got dark, it was very dark and depressing. A week or so later, I was still sick and starting feeling confused and exhausted, and I was afraid I’d let myself get dehydrated, or had contracted malaria. But an hour later, I was leaving the hospital with a prescription that cleared up everything right away. I actually have not thrown up on the Race once. That blog from Rome in 2013 was the last time.
Eating gross things, which in my book is anything with cilantro or peanut butter.
In Zambia I ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day. I don’t enjoy peanut butter, but I can eat it with a smile now. Cilantro, on the other hand, is and always will be intolerable. Luckily, no one has force fed it to me. Here’s a picture of me at the Mekong River about to eat a snake. How often do you get to barbecue your fears? (It actually was pretty good. It tasted like chewy tuna.)
Losing my Nook and all the precious literature I’m uploading to it (by the way, if you have a book recommendation, send it my way! Mission-related or not, Christian or not, I’ll be curious!)
I did lose my Nook! I left it on a top bunk in El Salvador when I went out for a day, and when I returned, someone had reached through the open window and snatched it, along with my external hard drive and a bag of candy. That was pretty devastating, but my wonderful parents were able to buy me another one and mail it to our coaches, who gave it to me at our Houston layover on the way to Europe. Now, I do not leave my Nook by open windows.
Ticks
No tick problems.
Not shaving my legs and getting ticks in my leg hair
Yeah. No tick problems.
Experiencing passionate boredom with my clothes
My clothes are always changing! Every time I put on a shirt, there’s an interesting new hole, or an artfully placed stain. What’s more interesting than that? Plus, people tend to trade clothes and pick up new ones often. My wardrobe is almost completely different than it was in January.
Falling in love with my team of Racers, only to go through a team change halfway through the Race
That happened. A lot. I was on Crisco (before the Race began), switched to Brazen Hearts for January to March, then to Deep Roots in April, then to Team Oak in May through August, then was on Skittles in September. Now I’m on Team Twelve (the revamped Crisco, remember!) and I love it. Team changes are tough, but they happen and you get used to them. And it’s good if they’re painful! It means you love your team and have strong relationships with them.
Something bad happening to my family back home
Nothing bad has happened to my immediate family, but I am disturbed and grieved about the amount of death I’ve encountered this year. In July my sister Kate’s close friend passed away unexpectedly and there are times I am still shocked by the news. Many people on our squad have also experienced loved ones’ deaths. It’s one of those seasons in which everyone seems to have lost somebody. It is scary and sad and it reminds me that we’re mortal, and maybe that we Racers are more mortal than most, with all the crazy stuff we do.
Missing out on weddings and birthdays and my sister’s high school graduation
I did miss out on some fun things. Sometimes you just have to be sad and tell people you miss them.
The shock of returning to America at Christmas time
I’m sure it will be shocking. But it will also be wonderful.
Not making the most of the time given to us
There have been times I haven’t taken all my opportunities, and I regret some of those times. But it’s been ten months: you can’t be perfect at that every day. Overall, my teams and I have certainly made the most of our time around the world!
Forgetting Jesus and expecting the World Race to be some sort of self help: becoming a missionary won’t make me a follower of Jesus. Only Jesus can do that.
How true that is. World Racers aren’t automatically spiritually healthy because we’re on a mission trip, and prioritizing our relationship with God can be just as challenging, nuanced, frustrating, and rewarding as it is at home. And being on the Race doesn’t change your personality or habits or vices either: those responsibilities still lie between you and God.
Goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my family and friends here in January, uprooting every month for a new country, and the final goodbyes to my team at the end of the year.
It was very hard to say goodbye to my family and friends, but, as my mom wrote, the reunion in Thailand with my parents was sweeter. Uprooting every month hasn’t been as hard as I thought, because I haven’t connected with every place in the same way. The final goodbyes in several weeks will be as hard as leaving my family, I expect. It will be so bittersweet.
As you can see, many of these fears have become non-issues and a couple are harder to deal with. But I like seeing the growth. Because even though God tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you,” we go and get scared of things anyway. But it’s so amazing to look back and see that when we face our fears (or are forced to face them), God shows up and brings us through it.
I’m glad I made this list. Maybe you can make one too! Write down the things that scare you, and then revisit it a year later to see how you’re doing with them. I think I’ll do that as I look forward to my post-Race life.
